Harbaugh breathes life into Tebow talk

October 1, 2012, 5:09 pm
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With the gentle and melodic warble of Release The Kraken, Jim Harbaugh has inflicted a new level of torture upon us all.Yes, the Return Of Tebow.But not Tim Tebow per se, but the endless, tortuous yowling about Tebow, both for and against. The entire magnetic field of sports talk is about to be distorted again, only worse than ever because it emanates like gamma ray bursts from the blowhard capital of the universe, New York City.We are so very doomed.And yes, it is Jim Harbaughs fault. Absolutely its his fault, and he must pay the ultimate crime. Whatever that is.I mean, we get why he needed the 49ers to put up a strong performance against the New York Jets on Sunday. The boys had coughed up a hairball in Minneapolis, they were starting to buy what the outside world was selling, and they might have been losing a bit of their edge.But 34-0 isnt the excess we complain about here. Its the way the 49er defense squeezed New York quarterback Mark Sanchez head, and the result of that compression.Tebow.But not so much Tebow himself, but his hideous hellbat army of shrieking acolytes the Big Bang Theory of gasbaggery.And Harbaugh, knowing what the world has already endured by the neutron star of TebowTalk, could have called off a dog or two for the good of the culture. He could have ordered Vic Fangio to allow Sanchez a touchdown, or even two, for the game was done and over fairly early:Yeah, Vic, I know its a bad message to send, but something you have to do something for the greater good of the society. At least thats what Jed just told me. Me, I could give a damn about society, and Id be good with you pulling his sternum out of his chest, metaphorically speaking, but Jed is pretty spooked about the damage to our culture, or some such crap.Instead, the 49ers went pedal to metal, they disenfranchised Sanchez from his future, and left us all with . . . well, you know.TebowTalk.Now you can justify and rationalize all you want about how TebowTalk cant be Harbaughs problem, but it is everyones problem. Its why we recycle, its why we fight bullying, its why we march for justice and equality. Its why we try to do good and fight evil.Put another way, the 49ers could have won the game and covered the spread by winning, 4-0. The extra 30 points, the four turnovers, the 145 yards of total offense for the Jets that was just excess.The collateral damage of that excess has already begun. TebowTalk 6060247 the hell of an argument weve already had 1,200 times with neither resolution nor new information. Yelling for the sake of screaming, caterwauling to just to make the other guy beg for the sweet release of temporary deafness.And yes, it was preventable. Not by Sanchez or even Rex Ryan, who are merely players in an insane tableau foisted upon them by Jets owner Woody Johnson, but by the catalyst who made this all inevitable. Jimmy Joe Harbaugh, the man who could have spared us all but chose not to.Thats quite a legacy to explain to the grandkids Yeah, Little Tad and Kimberly, I unleashed Tebow. I didnt want to at first, but then I just said, Oh, the hell with it, I live across the country. Itll never hit my loved ones.But of course hes wrong, because TebowTalk is the unchallenged zenith of pigheaded squawling on both sides. You have to be careful around such forces, but Harbaugh needed his boys to get their mad back more than he cared about the rest of us. We will never forget, and we will not easily forgive.Well, you may forgive him because you think of him the way Tebows people think of him. But you can never say you werent warned about the result of such recklessness.And when that vein behind your left eye starts to throb uncontrollably because you cant escape TebowTalk, you will remember this day. And you will weep.

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