No one wants to watch Cardinals come to Candlestick

No one wants to watch Cardinals come to Candlestick
September 5, 2013, 8:30 pm
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The 49ers will be a big road draw when they travel to Arizona, but the Cardinals don't have the same power when they come to San Francisco. (USA TODAY IMAGES)


Tom Brady on Johnny Manziel: 'If you're a turd, it's going to come back to you.' (USA TODAY IMAGES)

As one of the most popular road teams in the NFL according to vividseats.com, the 49ers ought to have nothing but hot tickets everywhere all the time, but weirdly one of the five worst-selling games is Cardinals at Niners October 13.

[PREVIEW PAGES: San Francisco 49ers | Oakland Raiders]

But why? Let’s see – Game 2 of the AL Championship Series, A’s-Red Sox? Nope. Raiders at Kansas City? Lord, no. Stanford at Utah or Cal at UCLA or San Jose State at Colorado State? All Saturday, and are you kidding? No Warriors, no Sharks, no Kings, no high school games? Anything international then, like the Moldovan showdown between Nistru and Victoria Bardar, or Burundi’s Prince Rwagasore Day?

No to all of it. Thus, we can only conclude that it’s the Cardinals – repellent everywhere.

Sounds like a marketing slogan whose time has come and stayed.

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This comes from Heisman Trophy winner Eric Crouch of Nebraska, via HuddlePass.com, about in-game jitters:

“When our offense got the ball, I remember trying to call the first play, but my mouth was so dry that my tongue would not work. I mumbled, asking Dave Volk, our left tackle, to spit in my mouth. Super disgusting, I know, looking back on it but you have to understand that, at the time, it was all about calling the play. Nebraska Football was bigger than me.”

It was 1998. The opponent was Alabama-Birmingham. The final score was 38-7. It’s hard to see how anyone could view UAB as being fearful enough to collapse a fellow’s epiglottis, but hey, nerves work in mysterious ways.

We’ll ask if Terrelle Pryor had a similar problem after Sunday’s game.

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Former Dolphin Channing Crowder says Ricky Williams used to smoke weed before games. Williams denies it. I agree with both versions of this story. No film, video, sock puppets or even a paragraph on this at 11.

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Tom Brady in a very roundabout way on Johnny Manziel, via CNBC: “I have a lot of respect for the teammates, for my teammates, for my organization, and certainly for other guys in the NFL. There's not a guy playing in the NFL who hasn't earned the right to be here, and who isn't supremely talented. He's probably been the best athlete in his high school class, in his elementary school class. So when you look across the ball you have respect for those guys, and you treat them with respect because football's a physical game. And as RKK (Patriots owner Robert Kraft, who also was on the set of the show) would say, if you're a turd, it's going to come back to you.”

The following questions arise: 1. Why would anyone ask Tom Brady about Manziel, who he has apparently never met and knows only by reputation as someone who, unlike Brady, just turned up on the cover of Time Magazine? 2. Does Kraft actually have a job, or does he just hang around the players all day? 3. Does Brady think the NFL has a way of detecting “turds” to insure that “it’s going to come back to you,” or is that just an empty platitude that doesn’t really apply to any level of reality in American sport?

Discuss among yourselves, and then return with a report.

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According to an NHL promotional video unearthed by Yahoo’s well-known hockey writer and weekend sport cellist Greg Wyshynski, Los Angeles goaltender Jonathan Quick once was asked, and actually complied, to sign a half-eaten grilled cheese sandwich, which leads to one obvious question:

Where at Office Depot do you find the Sharpies that work even on bread?

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And finally, the deer antler people who made such a public display at the Super Bowl of the benefits of their product, including reducing the chance of cancer, alleviating anemia, moderating blood pressure, increasing testosterone, and reducing concussive trauma to the brain, have now been BALCO’d by the state of Alabama for deceptive trade practices.

And being up to date means SWATS (the company acronym) also advertised a “concussion cap” for children that helped minimize brain inflammation. The state, which seized the company’s assets in a Thursday raid, essentially claimed the cap does nothing useful except sit on a kid’s head.

In short, I feel a wave of nostalgia emanating from Burlingame right about now.