Whitner's new name will get some announcer fired

Whitner couldn't change name to 'Hitner' until mom gave approval

Whitner's new name will get some announcer fired
October 2, 2013, 9:30 pm
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It is not yet certain how many Ohio State Whitner jerseys there are, but a quick tour of the NCAA Store might provide that answer
Ray Ratto

Donte Whitner has changed his name to Hitner. Of course he has. Why wouldn’t he change his name to Hitner? I mean, Joe Theismann willingly let his last name be re-pronounced. But he surely will get an announcer fired when force of habit causes said broadcaster to substitute an “L” for the “N.” It will happen, and it will be one of those Internet sensations you always hear about.

Yeah, “L” for “N.” Think about it.

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He is also willing to buy back any “Whitner” jerseys to help ease his passage to his new name, as per NFL directives. “Depending,” he says, “on how many are out there.”

It is not yet certain how many Ohio State Whitner jerseys there are, but a quick tour of the NCAA Store might provide that answer.

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The WNBA Finals have been displaced in Atlanta by Disney On Ice. This is not as big a deal as it seems, as teams get locked out of their buildings for circuses and conventions and award shows all the time. But the Atlanta Dream will play Games 4 and 5 against the Minnesota Lynx at the arena in Gwinnett, more than a half-hour away, so we’ll see if home court advantage can also be a suburban thing, or whether it’s really just about knowing the best place to park at the mall.

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Navy will lose an estimated $4 million if its game with Air Force is shut down, Government style. That‘s the kind of fiscal responsibility that makes people prefer having a petting zoo as a neighbor instead of a Congressman.

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Braves second baseman Dan Uggla made $13 million this season, the highest-paid Atlanta player. But he didn’t make the postseason roster because he struck out only eight fewer times than his batting average, 171 to .179.

In other words, he got what we locals like to call Zito’d. It will be interesting to see if Fredi Gonzalez is as wistful about Uggla as Bruce Bochy was in a similar situation.

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Two new statues of Wayne Gretzky and his family in his hometown of Brantford, Ont., were defaced, which doesn’t tell you so much how quickly people forget as much as it does how quickly people who weren’t born when you were really famous give a damn about you.

Brantford police say they have video of the incident but have not yet made any arrests. But we know this much – they don’t make icons the way they used to. Or maybe Brantford has some secret Calgary Flames fans the chamber of commerce had somehow overlooked.

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Yes, Patrick Roy! The new coach of the Colorado Avalanche made new friends right away by trying to get at Anaheim coach Bruce Boudreau after Wednesday's 6-1 WIN . . . yes, WIN . . . over the Ducks. He shoved the separator between the two benches after a deliciously profane exchange with Boudreau, and gave every indication that he will be the least hinged coach in the entire league.

Oh, and this was after one entire game. If he's not fined at least once before Christmas, it will mean that Gary Bettman doesn't just take naps at games.

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And finally, because a fan isn’t a fan any more unless there’s a sign involved, there was this one from the Tampa Bay-Cleveland wild card game Tuesday night on TBS:

“T B S: Tampa Bay Sucks.”

As it turned out, not enough to do the Indians any good.