And now, a holiday edition of Jump To Conclusions Theatre, with those masters of discipline the San Francisco 49ers. Until we know more about Ray McDonald’s alleged domestic violence charge, we can only say this: If he is guilty of this, Roger Goodell already is going to drop the max on him, because in addition to everything else, McDonald will find out what it is to commit an act of stunningly bad timing.
And if he did do it, and if Jim Harbaugh’s rule about “if you put your hands on a woman, you’re out of here” is actually a rule and not just another talent/tolerance posture, then Alex Boone is getting his salary and then some as he ends his glorious and much-admired holdout. Fight the power, you proud and victorious mesomorph. Rage against the machine.
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And re: McDonald, yes, people are already asking about Michael Sam as a 49er. But if they wanted him that badly, they would have claimed him on waivers. So no.
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And re: Boone, did anyone notice that Alex Smith’s new contract is way, way better than Colin Kaepernick’s? Now that could be because Smith’s agent is way, way better than Kaepernick’s, or that the 49ers just are much more willing to squeeze the shoes of their most important players, but that seems . . . well . . . hilarious.
[RELATED: Former 49ers QB Smith lands big deal in KC]
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And re: Goodell. The betting is that Jim Irsay, who can be punished (if at all) after his case if officially disposed of Tuesday, will get less than half what Josh Gordon got for much less serious drugs.
On the other hand, how many teams does Josh Gordon own?
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There are four active players in major league baseball with 2,000 strikeouts, and three of them are pitchers. The Oakland Athletics just traded for the fourth.
Adam Dunn gives the A’s the possibility of a home run here and there, but he also promises to help shore up a serious deficiency in the Oakland lineup.
Yes, those strikeouts. The A’s are 29th in that once value-neutral category, 125 ahead of Kansas City (those annoying little contact freaks) and an absurd 292 behind the Chicago Cubs.
Dunn is more things than this, of course; if not, he’d have been Dan Uggla’d out of the game well before now. And if he does restore Oakland’s once-proud-and-now-cowed offense, he’ll have been worth every from-the-keister swing he still has in him in the last month-and-possibly-more of his career.
[NEWS: A's trade for Adam Dunn]
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And finally (hey, it’s Labor Day, shut up and go outside and grill the neighbor’s pet or something), BOB MELVIN SNAPS! The information as part of the postgame revelry in the A’s 8-1 loss to the Angels at Anaheim, thus completing a sweep and putting the Pachyderma five games out of first place, via Susan Slusser of Los Croniclos de Fifth Street. We add the useful translations:
“It was embarrassing, pathetic. We don’t play like that,” Melvin said. (Ahh, but yes you do, because you just did).
“We don’t play like that. (Ahh, but you’ve been crummy for nearly a month – 14 losses in the last 20, to be precise).”
“The last three games here are the worst I’ve seen this team play in I don’t know how long. I feel bad for our fans to have to watch that (Ahh, but you played like this in Anaheim, where you fans weren’t).”
“The reason that I’m upset is that is not who we are, that’s is not who we’ve been for three years. It’s mounted. It’s been frustrating . . . We all should be embarrassed (Okay. That you can have).”