49ers value production over discipline

49ers value production over discipline
August 27, 2013, 11:00 am
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Lavelle Hawkins received three undisciplined personal fouls Sunday, but survived the first round of cuts. (USA TODAY IMAGES)

It looks like the 49ers have decided that 127 yards trumps three personal fouls, as Lavelle Hawkins survived this week’s cuts. Once again, guessing along with Jim Harbaugh means guessing against Jim Harbaugh, which means the guesser of the first part guesses wrong.

[RELATED: 49ers trim roster to 74]

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A story in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette tells us that most college football coaches do not materially affect their universities’ results over time, and therefore coaches’ pay isn’t a very relevant factor in that success.

Meanwhile, GQ has an extended takeout by Warren St. John on Alabama coach Nick Saban, who makes $5 million a year and is as close to an icon with immovable hair as the game currently has.

When you put those together, you get this: Coaches don’t matter until they do, and hard to differentiate until they are differentiated, and then they matter very much. Well, thank Cthulhu that’s been straightened out.

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Urban Meyer, who says he wants to provide the toughest discipline in the country (doubtless as a comparison point to his time at Florida) has put out a directive that NFL scouts visiting Ohio State are forbidden to wear blue, because of course that is Michigan’s primary color and blue is found in no other things in the universe except Ann Arbor.

Nick Saban does not have such a rule. Therefore Nick Saban is not the biggest control freak in the business. Let that rattle around your skullcap for a minute, and then go lie down until the pain subsides.

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If Johnny Manziel still has a sense of humor (and why wouldn’t he, after all?), he really should sign the end zone in which he scores his first touchdown this year. The 15 yards for excessive celebration would be worth it if it was 150 yards and they had to kick off from the women’s restroom at Kyle Field.

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Last week, we told you about the scandal in Australian Rules Football regarding Essendon management giving PEDs to players, apparently without their knowledge. After the usual round of denials and threats, the club copped to it all. Head coach James Hird accepted a one-year ban, the team was fined $2 million, lost draft choices this year and next, and were eliminated from the AFC championship.

In other words, that’s entertainment.

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Jeff Tuel, the new Buffalo starting quarterback and the first in maybe forever to start a season at that position despite being undrafted, was sacked 119 times in his career at Washington State (which went 10-38 in those years). The NFL record for one year is 76, by David Carr with the expansion Houston Texans.

So where do you think the over-under ought to go?

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Newcastle United striker Papiss Cisse decided, and there are photos to back this up via Who Ate All The Pies, to have some of the locals over the house for a barbecue, pool, video games, and then got a free shirt at the end of the day.

In the United States, this is called 1973.

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And also from the boys at Pies, this bit of DIY for those of you who think soccer is boring because there isn’t enough scoring. Danish Superliga sides Brondby and Randers fought -- well, meandered, really -- to a nil-nil draw, inspiring two fans to celebrate the sharing of the points by waiting for the stadium to empty and then conjoining at midfield.

The lesson: Stop bitching about your team not entertaining you, you indolent oafs. If they can’t satisfy you, you must satisfy yourselves.

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And from FourFourTwo, a story about Fulham’s Darren Bent and crabs that I feared (and was nauseated to even consider) was about something else entirely.

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An operator at the Pac-12 Conference’s coaches conference call (and say that three times fast while gargling Rumpleminze) accidentally piped in Russ Limbaugh’s radio show as he was excoriating some unseen enemy of the people for being “a liberal who supports choice and prefers dismembering children to school vouchers.” Oregon State’s Mike Riley, who was taken momentarily aback by the interruption, powered on nevertheless.

It does, however, explain in part why he didn’t succeed in San Diego.

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And now, it’s Build Your Own Joke Time with the one team in New York trying to give the Jets a run for their money. The Mets traded Marlon Byrd Tuesday, which matters not in any scheme, grand or otherwise, except those directly involving Marlon Byrd.

It was also the very day they were giving away Marlon Byrd T-shirts to the first, oh, 350,000 people to attend Phillies-Mets. In short, they gave away Byrd to the Pirates and Byrd T-shirts to their own customers hours apart, proving yet again . . . well, nothing. That’s just plain nuts.

[NEWS: Mets ship Byrd to Pirates]

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Rutgers is taking the NFL’s lead and banning purses at its football games this year. In a related event, women with purses are banning Rutgers football games from their lists of things to do this year.

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And finally, the bloody mess that was Nneka Ogwumike’s face after being inadvertently headbutted by teammate Candace Parker in the L.A. Sparks-Tulsa Shock WNBA game Monday night should be sent as a GIF to every girl and young woman playing sports today. Why? Well, why the hell not?