Bronzed Bonds should go in Giants' dugout next to Bochy

Bronzed Bonds should go in Giants' dugout next to Bochy
July 21, 2014, 10:15 pm
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The long-awaited (as in "Wait Until It's Safe") Barry Bonds statue scheme is finally being unveiled, though not by the Giants. A Kickstarter page is expected to go live by Thursday (when Bonds conveniently turns 50) in hopes of turning up $60K. Hayden Simmons, a native San Franciscan and lifelong Giants fan, said he and his friends talked after Bonds got left at the Hall of Fame foyer yet again, hustled up a sculptor and seem to think that they can get Bonds bronzed for about what it cost Detroit to get its own civic pride vanity buy. “I mean, if Detroit can get one for Robocop," Simmons told the San Francisco Chronicle, "we should be able to get one for Barry.” The current plan is to put it in the dugout next to Bruce Bochy, just to see the look on the manager's face.

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The momentary panic over the Giants considering the freshly released catcher A.J. Pierzynski abated just in time for them to sign the freshly released second baseman Dan Uggla to a non-binding minor league contract. Non-binding, as in you may never see him, so calm the hell down. You’ve already got plenty to sweat with losing Matt Cain and Brandon Belt.

But hey, there are still 41 shopping days until Pierzynski stops being the special on QVC. Now THAT’S when you can start panicking.

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Big 12 commissioner Bob Bowlsby, who is to relaxed conversation as poison sumac is to skin care, declared as part of his ongoing defense of the shattered college athletics model Monday that says “cheating pays” in the NCAA these days. As opposed to when?

“Enforcement is broken,” he said. “The infractions committee hasn't had (an FBS school) hearing in almost a year, and I think it's not an understatement to say cheating pays presently. If you seek to conspire to certainly bend the rules, you can do it successfully and probably not get caught in most occasions.” Again, as opposed to when?

But he did manage to defend the rights of the well-paid adults (of which he is one) while claiming that a change in the current system would destroy the paradigm.

“There's only so much money out there. I don't think that coaches and athletic directors are likely going to take pay cuts. I think that train's left the station. So that's some of the tension in the system that I referred to earlier. And I think over a period of time what we'll find is that instead of keeping a tennis program, they're going to do the things that it takes to keep the football and men's and women's basketball programs strong.”

Well, that’s the spirit, Bob-O. It’s about the adults, like it always has been. As always, you’re a swell spokesman.

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Tony Dungy told the Tampa Tribune that had he been running a team as he had in Tampa and Indianapolis that he wouldn’t have taken Michael Sam because of, well, the dreaded distraction.

“I wouldn't have taken him,” Dungy said. “Not because I don't believe Michael Sam should have a chance to play, but I wouldn't want to deal with all of it. It's not going to be totally smooth . . . things will happen.”

Makes sense for most coaches, I suppose, except that every team has “distractions,” most of them aren’t, and frankly, what happened to talent being the only consideration?

Oh. It is until it isn’t. Gotcha.

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Shane Bacon of Yahoo.com decided on winners-and-losers from British Open, and other than Rory McIlroy and his father Scrooge McDuck, one of his winners’ choices may surprise you.

“Tiger Woods — You can call him a loser all you want for his play this week, but Tiger had a must-make birdie putt on Friday to make the cut and nailed it. The guy didn’t play competitive golf for four months and made the cut in a major championship. That’s a step in the right direction and an improvement from what happened at Congressional. I’m calling it a win for Tiger, and his return is definitely a win for golf.”

One birdie makes up for finishing 23 strokes behind the winners? Yes, if you’ve decided that Tiger is still the center the golfing universe and have a rooting interest in him being The Eldrick again. No, if you watched any of the event and can count.

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When you want to talk about how good an arena can be for a city because you want to bore, alienate and eventually lose all your friends, you may want to keep this story in mind from the Detroit News.

The paper reported Monday that the Ilitch family, which owns the Red Wings and Tigers, needed to keep some of its downtown properties empty for years because they couldn't spark a pricing frenzy for the surrounding private land the family needed to buy to realize their $650 million plan for a new arena and 45-block entertainment district.

“It’s been painful to not be able to develop some of that property because every time we made a move, the price for other property would shoot way up,” said Ilitch Holdings CEO Christopher Ilitch, whose dad Mike is the money. “But we had to wait and that hurt. It took us 15 years to accumulate the property so we can achieve this transformative project. Now we really have been unharnessed, unleashed.”

Detroit says thanks for the creative neglect, Chris.