The following items are my way of saying that I cannot type a single word about my almost galactic disinterest in Mark Sanchez:
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Joe Tacopina, who is the shrieking harpy representing Alex Rodriguez, missed a bet by not being able to practice law in the UK, as he’d have been the perfect guy to take on the case of Ian Black, a Scottish footballer who has just been charged with 160 counts of betting on football matches, including three in which he bet against his own team. Part of Black’s backstory was that he worked as a painter and decorator when his team, Hearts of Midlothian, wasn’t paying its players. But it isn’t known if that weighed into his alleged decision to re-enact Eight Men Out.
That is as close as we prefer to get to Rodriguez today, unless someone knows of Ryan Dempster going to Rodriguez’ home on Monday’s off-day and throwing a baseball through his window.
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But that doesn’t mean we can’t bask in the lunacy of New York City, because as we know, nothing is better than when New York turns into Hooterville (and that’s a Green Acres reference, so keep your dirty thoughts to yourself). New Brooklyn Net Paul Pierce said last week, “I think it's time for the Nets to start running this city,” compelling old New York Knick Raymond Felton to respond. "They will never take over the city. Because we've got 'New York' on our chest. They've got 'Brooklyn' on their chest, and we've got 'New York.' They'll never take over the city.”
[RELATED: Jeremy Lin's friends tell him, 'You've changed bro']
We would now like to remind you that the Knicks haven’t won a title in 40 years, and the Nets haven’t done so in 37 (and that was in the dying days of the ABA, right before their best player ever, Julius Erving, bolted to Philadelphia).
So if you want to get right down to it, the only New York teams over which the Knicks and Nets can claim anything are the Jets and Red Bulls, and if Paul Pierce and Raymond Felton want to argue about that, well, at least then nobody will be compelled to listen.
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The NCAA has reversed its stupidity on Steven Rhodes, the former Marine who wanted to walk on at Middle Tennessee but couldn't because he played intramural football (the swine), and he can now play immediately with eligibility. Of course, this means that head coach Rick Stockstill better find a place for him to play in the opener against Western Carolina . . . unless, of course, he wants to stick it to those formerly narrow-minded weasels by saying, "We would have used him but the NCAA jerked us around for no earthly reason."
As it is, now we know there is a point at which even the NCAA can be shamed. It's just that not that many teams have ex-Marine walk-ons.
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Barack Obama’s secret desire to be a Fort Wayne Mad Ant is closer to being realized, at least if he can take a hint from a former national leader with an athletic itch. According to the diabolical genii at Who Ate All The Pies, former Bulgarian prime minister of Boyko Borisov, who just finished his last tour of suit duty, has registered as a professional football player for FC Vitosha Bistritsa, which means he can play in the Bulgarian second division if he can overcome his high blood pressure and make the team. Even more weirdly, he once was named Bulgaria's Footballer of the Year in a fan vote over Dimitar Berbatov, even though Borisov later withdrew his name.
Obama’s approval rating would need a bump to pull that off, especially in a red state like Indiana.
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And finally, our comrade Baggarly was in on an interesting soul-searching session with Giants manager Bruce Bochy in which the double-ringed mastermind admitted that he had made some errors this year on the team that is going to miss the playoffs by about six teams. He included expressing aloud his frustration over the size and smell of the daily tire fire, and misreading the sensitivities of some of his players. He even copped to a screwed-up double switch (“I was out there arguing, and I totally brain-cramped on that”), and managers don’t typically sign off on those.
In fact, it was so forthright that we didn’t even make any cracks about how a Bochy brain cramp can cause generators to explode.