The Dan Uggla Era is off to an ominous start

The Dan Uggla Era is off to an ominous start
July 27, 2014, 8:30 pm
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You can use Dan Uggla as your new reason why the Giants got swept because that’s how these things are done.
Ray Ratto

Jake Peavy opened his Giants career with a quality start (make your own judgment), and it made no difference whatsoever (make your own judgment). But hey, you can use Dan Uggla as your new reason why the Giants got swept because that’s how these things are done.

That’s why we neutrals prefer drinking to fandom. No conflicted feelings.

[INSTANT REPLAY: Peavy loses debut as Dodgers sweep Giants]

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The Hall of Fame is of course the cathedral of baseball, a holy place which serves as the gateway to Valhalla and separates the chosen from the garden slugs who are not.

Like Greg Maddux, who spun this inspirational tale of brotherly love and devotion to the sport they both love:

“My brother Mike led by example . . . he even taught me about science. It had to do with methane and a lighter.”

Yeah, that’s what you think it means. Can I get the congregation to say “Amen?” Hell yes, I can.

[NEWS: La Russa, Thomas headline star-studded Hall of Fame class]

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For reasons that the people who sell LeBron James stuff surely would have found obnoxious, he has decided to wear 23 again rather than make the sheep buy all new jerseys.

Of course, though, the Cavs will be coming out with sharp new outfits this year, so even having Roman numerals wouldn’t have made any difference. After all, when you’re a brand, you should never leave a dollar bill on the table.

[NEWS: LeBron will return to No. 23 with Cavaliers]

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Bill Barnwell is Grantland listed the top 50 assets in the NFL (http://es.pn/1ruBcy3 and http://es.pn/1mx31Qd) based on skill, desirability and friendly contract, and the 49ers have five of those 50 – Colin Kaepernick (5), Joe Staley (23), Patrick Willis (34), Mike Iupati (44) and Orator Jim Harbaugh (49).

In other words, the 49ers are very good at squeezing the employees’ shoes into taking less than market value, a fact that Orator Jim has already filed away for that special moment when he finally forces Jedediah The Young to say yes or no to a new contract. Which, we needn’t remind you, is still going to be more fun than most of their games.

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Wade Davis, the former NFL player who came out nine years after his career ended, is now working for You Can Play, the anti-homophobia group, has already started talking with former New York Giants receiver David Tyree, who has publicly opposed gay marriage and supported gay conversion therapy. The two have met a few times, and Davis said (http://bit.ly/1pNN0sl) that Tyree has been unusually open to changing his views.

Which, in its own way, is conversion therapy.

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Roger The Red, who was last heard trying to ease the idea of the 49ers and Raiders sharing the Santa Clara Harbaugh-itorium to much resistance, is now catching the same on the notion he floated about a league-owned stadium in Los Angeles. One of the potential tenants, the San Diego Chargers, essentially hurled all over it.

“It’s an idea that has been floated before,” team co-owner Dean Spanos told Nick Canepa of UT San Diego. “There’s nothing new to it. For the past 20 years we’ve been hearing about it . . . the league has been successful without a team there and so has L.A., and you have to sell 24 of the 32 owners that it’s a good investment. It’s a ways down the line, and I’m not sure it has the votes.”

In other words, according to team special counsel Mark Fabiani, “It’s pie in the sky.”

That is, until the Chargers decide they’d like to be one of the two teams in town, in which case mmmmmm, pie.

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The NHL is pimping ugly holiday sweaters, but only for its eight most shmata-moving teams. According to Puck Drunk Love (http://bit.ly/UvQOVi), 22 of the 30 teams are not involved, which serves once again as reminder that there are two leagues, and the one with the 22 teams is going to keep getting its helmets handed to them until one of the billionaires (maybe the one in San Jose) decides to get his back up.

So approximately never.

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And finally, from BBC Sport, the English soccer team Hyde United was playing an exhibition match with a few potential signees whose identities they didn’t want revealed in case of poaching, so they tweeted out their lineup and match highlights as though their entire roster was comprised of left-wing revolutionaries through history:

“Hyde: Thewlis, Brizell, Fidel Castro, Vladimir Lenin, Karl Marx, Leon Trotsky, Hughes, Maximilien de Robespierre, Thurston, Tony Benn, Tames. Hyde subs: Day, Friedrich Engels, Mahatma Gandhi, Andreas Baader, Che Guevara, Aneurin Bevan, Tony Blair . . .”

“Sub: Mahatma Gandhi on for Hyde. Have to question his decision to play in flip flops.

“Sub: Friedrich Engels on to provide some much needed support for Marx

It goes on like this, but essentially Hyde won in a shootout, and is now scouting conservatives so that they can have some decent scrimmages.