Even Kobe Bryant didn't want to watch the Lakers

Even Kobe Bryant didn't want to watch the Lakers
April 16, 2014, 10:15 pm
Kobe Bryant knows that watching his team finish behind Sacramento and ahead of Utah is far more traumatic than whatever shame might be attached to bolting a night early.
Ray Ratto

The Milwaukee Bucks, or at least a majority chunk of them, were sold by owner Herb Kohl to a couple of hedge fund guys (you don’t know them so don’t bother trying to care) were sold Wednesday for $550 million, or nearly 30 percent higher than their Forbes valuation. Seeing as how that’s about a million bucks for every win since the turn of the millennium, we can safely say that franchise values have a bigger markup than anything except jewelry.

And if you’ve ever bought jewelry, you wonder why you never bought a team instead of that engagement ring.

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Lewis Black, who is funnier than nearly all other humans, was asked to speak before the Washington Press Club (now THAT’S funny), and along the way weighed in on the nickname of the football team with which he grew, and what’s wrong with it other than the nickname.

“What’s interesting, you’re born and raised here, and I’ve been a Redskins fan all my life, and so it’s not got any connotation to me at all,” he said, courtesy DC Sports Bog. “It really means nothing to me. It’s just the name. You know, and I see it on the helmet, it’s just been there for so long. But, in terms of the reality of things, everybody in the room knows that if it was the Washington Jewy Jews, people would say, ‘Well, I think maybe, we’re gonna have to change that.’”

Then he decided to wax eloquently about the team itself.

“And the other thing is, I don’t like what Dan Snyder has done with the team, on any level whatsoever, and it’s one of the most irritating years that I have watched in sports. Watching year after year after year, ‘Oh, let’s pay $100 million for somebody who’s just gonna lie down on the bench for three hours. Let’s get Steven Spurrier — are you kidding? If I know Steven Spurrier’s not going to be a good pro football coach, what the hell do you have for brains?”

One, who calls him Steven? Two, who ever called him Steven? And three, did Black simply abandon all hope before Joe Gibbs the Second, Jim Zorn and Mike Shanahan?

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In other comedian-based news, British joke stylist, former Katy Perry paramour and noted West Ham United fan Russell Brand, who once successfully sued the Sun newspapers for libel, kicked in a chunk of his award money to the Hillsborough Justice Campaign on the 25th anniversary of the stadium disaster that killed 96 Liverpool fans (most Liverpool fans still boycott the Sun because of the paper’s coverage of the events).

That ought to make him persona very grata with the Scousers even with his team allegiance.

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Kobe Bryant bolted the Lakers’ final game to begin a holiday in France. Lakers at Spurs, in fact. What kind of man does such a thing?

A man who has played 1,479 games and 54,596 minutes in his career, and knows that watching his team finish behind Sacramento and ahead of Utah is far more traumatic than whatever shame might be attached to bolting a night early, that’s who.

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ESPN tweeted out this pre-draft analysis on Stephen Curry from Doug Gottlieb: “Stephen Curry declared for NBA Draft. Doug Gottlieb: ‘He doesn’t have the upside of Rubio. Jennings, Flynn, Mills, Teague all more athletic.’”

Gottlieb used to work at ESPN. He does no longer. Use your imagination.

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And finally, from the good people at Hockey Night In Canada via the odd people at Greg Wyshynski of Yahoo, the entrance hymn to The Two Months of Christmas. Please stand, remove your hats and sing along: http://yhoo.it/1qLYY7b.


Ray Ratto is a columnist for CSNBayArea.com