It’s the second day of the new year, and Hell has already arrived, in the form of a puppy fantasy league for the Puppy Bowl, to wit.
To call this horrifying is to diminish all other horrifying things ever. If you participate, think of your children and tell nobody, ever.
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The outrage over Jeff Triplette’s officiating crew being assigned Chargers-Bengals is profound, but the bigger problem, the one nobody is mentioning, is this: There were six crews adjudged worse. Fortunately for us all, the rules committee will gather in the off-season and add 60 more pages of impenetrable arglebargle to the already turkey-stuffed rulebook.
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In other “Why . . . oh, wait, I get it” news, Jay Cutler got a seven-year extension worth nine figures. This means (a) it won’t last seven years, (b) he won’t get all the money, and (c) there are a lot fewer quarterbacks people want than the ones they already have.
Now there’s a concept compatriot Craig Calcaterra of Hardball Talk didn’t mention when he asked “Is Football Dying?” -- quarterbacks now listed as an endangered species.
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And now, the beautifully stupid game.
In Bulgaria, Lokomotiv Sofia canned midfielder Martin Dimitrov after head coach Stefan Genov claimed Dimitrov went to a mud-bath rather than play against the defending league champion. Dimitrov denied this, but it is at least a weirder (and less overtly disturbing) story than Chris Kluwe saying he may have been cut by the Minnesota Vikings a year ago because the special teams coach was a bigot who hated his public stands for homosexual rights.
And in England, Arsenal fan James (Raul) Stokes threatened to coat himself in jam if out-of-favor striker Nicklas Bendtner scored against Cardiff City. Bendtner did, and so did Stokes (proof provided by Stokes through Who Ate All The Pies.
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Don’t get all weird about potential NFL blackouts this weekend. One, none of them affect you. Two, the owners will buy their own tickets if need be. And three, this is one more sign for the NFL that the in-game experience is spectacularly overrated, so that new stadiums really are the waste of money we always suspected they are.
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Ottawa’s Bobby Ryan is fuming about Brian Burke’s analysis of him in Scott Burnside’s behind-closed-doors epic on the selection of the U.S. Olympic hockey team, in which he said, “He's a passive guy, He is not intense. That word is not in his vocabulary. It's never going to be in his vocabulary. He can't spell intense.”
Ryan, who didn’t make the team, has a long and contentious history with Burke going back to their time in Anaheim, so the bad blood will boil over March 5 when Ottawa plays at Calgary – after the Olympics are over.
At least if the good folks of Canada, who love a good hallway scrap, have been living right. After all, man cannot live on Rob Ford alone.
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And finally, here’s hoping the Los Angeles Lakers renew their interest in acquiring Andrew Bynum. If two sides ever deserved each other more, it is Spy vs. Spy.