Installation of turf at Levi's makes Mark Davis cry

Installation of turf at Levi's makes Mark Davis cry
April 17, 2014, 8:30 pm
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The installation of the sod at Levi's Stadium made Mark Davis cry because his team is still being kept from its true destiny by the infield at the Coliseum.
Ray Ratto

They are laying down sod at the 49ers’ new Santa Clara digs, a development which received an inordinate amount of local fanfare (even the ginger maniac in those Scott’s Turf Builder commercials doesn’t give a damn), but there is this much.

It made Mark Davis cry because his team is still being kept from its true destiny by the infield at the Coliseum. Life is cruel, Marky, and then you need a hip replacement. Get over it.

[RELATED: Crews begin installing sod at Levi's Stadium]

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A lifelong Boston Celtics fan named Gotham Chopra has won the “rights” to direct a documentary of, by and featuring Kobe Bryant. With the 52 wins the Ceklts and Lakers amassed this year, this is either a triumph of the self over the team, or it is a classic tale of misery craving company.

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Today in No Rooting Interest Theatre, agent Drew Rosenhaus has won a $516,000 arbitrator’s judgment against Washington wide receiver DeSean Jackson for loans, interest, credit card charges and agent fees. Again, we wish there was a mechanism by which Jackson had to pay the money but Rosenhaus never receive it, but we’ll need some sort of federal law to obtain that level of justice.

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Tuesday marked the 17th anniversary of President Bill Clinton’s appearance alongside Rachel Robinson commemorating Jackie Robinson Day at Shea Stadium, which wouldn’t matter all that much except for this heartwarming sidebar from “Yes It’s Hot In Here,” a book written by former Mister Met A.J. Mass. Mass wanted a picture with the President and was politely convinced that such a thing was unlikely to occur.

Mass recalled in a New York Daily News excerpt how (a Secret Service) agent stared directly into the gigantic baseball head and said:

“’We have snipers all around the stadium, just in case something were to happen,’ he says. ‘Like I said, do whatever it is you normally do. But approach the President, and we go for the kill shot. Are we clear?’
“He pauses for a moment to let the words sink in, and it feels like he isn’t only looking into my eyes, but also into my very soul with his blank, unblinking stare,” Mass writes.
“’Approach the President, and we go for the kill shot,’ he repeats. ‘ARE — WE — CLEAR?’”

I am now sending a list of all 120 pro team mascots to the federal government for appropriate frightening.

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One person happier than most that Chad Johnson has signed with the Montreal Alouettes is Anthony Calvillo. We know this because Calvillo just retired after more than a decade of mostly exemplary work as the Als’ starting quarterback, and didn’t need to spend his 42nd year of life arguing with the Un-Ocho about how many times he should be throwing the ball.

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The Arizona Diamondbacks are wearing throwback jerseys for their game against the Cubs this coming Wednesday (well, how else would you sell this stinker?), but because the Cubs are wearing their Chicago Whales Federal League throwbacks to celebrate 100 years of a league that lasted two, the Diamondbacks went . . . well, as you’d expect.

They will dress in the uniforms of the Kansas City Packers, which finished sixth in the eight-team Fed League and gave up almost as many runs in their season as the Diamondbacks will allow before the All-Star Break. Frankly, they should have gone as the Indianapolis Hoosiers, but you know how marketing people can be once they half-bake an idea.

Or maybe it's better that you don’t.

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And finally, welcome back, Brandon Lloyd. Please be nice to all law enforcement and other authority figures while you are here. Your new employers could use the break.

[RELATED: Source: Lloyd's 49ers contract includes no guaranteed money]

Ray Ratto is a columnist for CSNBayArea.com