It doesn't take much to be a Raiders quarterback consultant

It doesn't take much to be a Raiders quarterback consultant
September 1, 2014, 9:15 pm
Now for the 49ers: I predict a very uncomfortable season. That’s what happens when you don’t pay sufficient attention to character, contracts or mulch.
Ray Ratto

Here’s a fun fact in case you haven’t started a bar fight in a while. Since the All-Star Game, the Giants everyone maligns are 23-20, and the A’s who are America’s sweethearts are 20-22. None of this has any real value, but I said this is just to provoke yelling in taverns.

This is a particularly unpleasant and squalid corner of the Internet, after all.

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Matt Barkley, Matt Blanchard, Matt Cassel, Matt Hasselbeck, Matt Moore, Matt Ryan, Matt Scott, Matt Simms, Matt Stafford.

Now can I get some Oakland Raiders consultant money? I mean, I can navigate Pro Football Reference with the best of them.

[RELATED: Derek Carr named Raiders starting quarterback]

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And more unwelcome news for the Swords Through The Skull: Ronaldo McClain, one of the Raiders’ most benighted draft picks ever, is starting at middle linebacker for the Dallas Cowboys this Sunday against the 49ers. If he does well . . . well, do the words “heh heh heh” strike a responsive chord?

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Now for the 49ers: I predict a very uncomfortable season. They may win 12 games and go deep in the playoffs, but every week will feel like their shorts are riding up on them. That’s what happens when you don’t pay sufficient attention to character, contracts or mulch.

[RELATED: Boone passes physical, 49ers ask for roster exemption]

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Bo Porter, former manager of the Houston Astros, you just learned what happens when you trust middle management. And if you knew it before, you know it doubly so now.

Then again, if you’d had the good sense to (a) schedule a game on Labor Day and (b) convinced your world’s worst bullpen to help your starter throw a four-pitcher no-hitter as Ryne Sandberg did with Philadelphia, you’d still have the job.

Until tomorrow -- because you can’t stop middle management, and frankly, you can’t even hope to contain it.

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And now a bit of well-deserved logrolling. The only thing NBC’s Premier League transfer deadline show Monday lacked was Rebecca Lowe turning to Robbie Mustoe and Robbie Keane, channeling the 40th anniversary of Saturday Night Live and gently snarling, “Robbies, you ignorant slut.”

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Meanwhile, England’s Sky Sports, which does the transfer deadline as a 24-hour mega-spectacular, featured one reporter using the referees’ disappearing spray to keep fans watching his live shot from interfering with his on-air work, while one who didn’t was videobombed by someone holding up a purple sexual aid. That’s the difference between a veteran and a rookie.

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And finally, now that Michael Sam isn’t on a practice squad, people care about practice squads. Sometimes, football is just way too full of itself.

Like now. And later. And before.