Jerry Jones is laughing his well-moneyed ass off at Jimmy Dolan’s press conference introducing Phil Jackson as the New York Knicks’ new fig leaf. And why, you ask sagely?
Dolan said at the presser, “I am by no means an expert in basketball,” and he later fibbed about not wanting to be involved. The second one, we can all dismiss as the press conference ravings of someone who is lying while he knows that everyone in the hearing universe knows he is lying.
As for the “I am by no means an expert” line, Jones is laughing because he knows the only response an owner can make to that: “Well, what the hell does being an expert have to do with it?”
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Today’s NatGeo Note: The Great Bee Attack at Tuesday’s Red Sox-Yankees game was amusing enough, although not enough rich people were stung. Yankee Mark Teixeira, though, thought the solution to solving the problem of the swarm was to leave a trail of honey out of the stadium for the bees to follow.
Oh, Mark (audible sigh). Use your loaf. Bees MAKE honey. That’s their freakin’ job. What you did was like trying to lure a steelworker to a different location by tempting him with a girder.
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Jim Irsay’s crash-and-burn due to the alcohol-and-pills demon he fought with once before produced this statement from the Indianapolis Colts, the team he inherited from his father:
“Yesterday, Jim Irsay took the first step toward regaining good health. He voluntarily checked into a highly respected health care facility and is committed to undergoing the treatment and care necessary to help him meet his challenges head-on. Jim, the Irsay family, and the Colts organization are all deeply appreciative of the incredible outpouring of support and compassion from our fans and the Indiana community.”
Good luck to him because this is a disease that at best can be played to a draw, and that only by abstaining each and every day in order of their arrivals, but a word of caution. This is not something that gets done in 28 days, so if you see him in the Colts’ conference room at the NFL Draft in early May, you’d be right to wonder how effective it would be.
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With all the silly things that the Arizona state government does on a daily basis, the fact that it is not addressing the Arizona Diamondbacks’ new ballpark confection – an 18-inch corn dog infused with bacon and cheese and served with a side of fries – tells you so much more than you can ever explain to friends.
And that’s even before you drop the kicker – it costs $25. For a corn dog half-a-yard long filled with injectable atrial fibrillation. One fourth of a C-note. For a CORN DOG.
This is the view of hell from the kitchen, pure and simple.
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Manchester United’s board of money-eaters has now begun exploring the possibility of whacking manager David Moyes for the crime of not being Alex Ferguson, and the first candidate to be expelled from the rumor mill is Netherlands coach Louis Van Gaal.
The Man U board, though, might be more enamored of former FIFA board member Jack Warner, who according to The Telegraph (as well as sentient beings on the planet Earth) seems to have taken bribes for him and members of his family from the Qataris who won the right to hold the 2022 World Cup on the surface of the sun.
I mean, Man U isn’t just a team, it’s a money generator, and Warner can clearly kick up some serious coin his own way.
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Curtis Rush of the Toronto Sun chased down the man most credited with the concept of the upper-body/lower-body injuries, former NHL coach Pat Quinn, who coined it for hockey use in 1999 because he didn’t want to divulge the nature of an injury to Philadelphia’s Dmitry Yushkevich.
The term is now largely viewed as one of the NHL’s more absurd stupidities, but Quinn is proud of it, and even remembers one time when a cheeky reporter asked him if there was such a thing as a middle-body injury.
“I probably didn’t have a good answer then,” Quinn said, “but I should have said, ‘You media guys all have a middle-body injury because you’re all a pain in the ass.’”
And we’re all day-to-day, too.
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And finally, TWENTY-FIVE BUCKS FOR A FREAKING CORN DOG! OUR CULTURE IS DOOMED!