Melvin deserves award better than Manager of the Year

Melvin deserves award better than Manager of the Year
June 30, 2014, 7:15 pm
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Uruguayan president Jose Mujica sounds like the perfect holiday uncle after calling FIFA’s punishment of Luis Suarez “a fascist ban”.
Ray Ratto

There is something inherently delicious about the 2019 draft choice the Brooklyn Nets got as part of the Jason Kidd get-out-of--our-sight deal with Milwaukee is, if the choice is a one-and-done pick, currently an eighth-grader.

[RELATED: Nets trade Kidd to Bucks for two draft picks]

Delicious, because Kidd became famous in basketball circles as an eighth-grader himself at St. Paschal’s in Oakland. So in an odd way, if the Nets are exceedingly lucky, they may have traded the 41-year-old Kidd for the 13-year-old Kidd, a deal anyone would go for in a minute.

And if that is so, the Kidd in our universe had better be a combination of Red Auerbach and Gregg Popovich to make that deal work for Milwaukee.


Uruguayan president Jose Mujica sounds like the perfect holiday uncle after calling FIFA’s punishment of Luis (mack The Knife) Suarez “a fascist ban” and the banners “a bunch of old sons of bitches.”

The world’s female dog population is planning legal action.


And now, love in the afternoon:


Well, that sucks the fun out of Suarez abuse for awhile.


Speaking of the newly apologetic Doctor Gnaw, he has been offered a chance to play during his four-month ban by the BOOSOBs, proving that their reach is not universal. A team outside their jurisdiction (no, the New York Red Bulls) is eager to upgrade its front line and profile with a single stroke.

[RELATED: Five things to know about Belgium ahead of match with U.S.]

Hajvalia of Kosovo’s Superleague, which is not part of FIFA, is planning to submit an official bid for Suyarez under the theory that because Kosovo is not a full FIFA member, it is exempt from their regulations.

Xhavit Pacolli, the club’s director, told Kosovan newspaper Sport Plus (courtesy Who Ate All The Pies), “Suarez can’t play in the next four months. As we are not part of FIFA yet, I think he can play in Kosovo, so we have an offer that we will send to Liverpool. This is the maximum we can offer: we offered £25,000 to Liverpool and a salary of £1,200 for each month. This might sound ridiculous to him, but that is all we can do. If he is willing to come and play for us, he is welcome. As we are not part of FIFA, it would be ideal for him.”

While we were fine with the punishment, we also stand for chaos in the face of the BOOSOBs, so let this happen please.


Kansas City pitchers Bruce Chen and Yordano Ventura were called out on Twitter for being cheap tippers by someone known as @FeministStripper. In the good old days, we would have learned this via the back of their Topps cards, once you brushed away the petrified gum chalk.


Wondering if there is an award better than Manager Of The Year for Bob Melvin, since (a) he already has one, (b) he cannot be praised sufficiently for the work he’s done with the Elephants, and (c) Manager of the Year is so, well, meh. Maybe he could win the Lady Byng Trophy? Or be named Queen of the Netherlands just to get Arjen Robben to stay on his feet? Or get drafted by the NBA the way Isaiah Austin did?

Or maybe he could be named honorary Mayor of Phoenix for a day, just to make up for the fact that he got fired by the Diamondbacks for not managing a bad team with a bad front office to a good record.

I mean, something must be done, and sooner rather than later. Just because hitting him in the mush with a pie after a late-inning pitching change seems like such a stretch.


And finally, the Giants have a lot of pressure on them to salvage what was supposed to be the best Bay Bridge Series ever in the week remaining before it happens. Indeed, this seems like the time to get Charlie Johnson, the largest single stockholder, out into the limelight to give his version of a Hunter Pence pep talk, as in:

“Stop losing, please, or I can make the checks start to curl up, yellow and die, and you can all play in Cleveland the rest of your days. I’ve got the juice to make that happen. I really do.”

That’s the beauty of never talking. When you do, people tend to pay attention. Well, never talking, and being worth $8.1 billion, give or take a beer