In the old days, weather apparently never happened

In the old days, weather apparently never happened
September 15, 2013, 10:15 pm
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It was a rough night for 49ers fans in Seattle as they not only had to deal with an hour lightning delay, but they watched their team lose 29-3. (AP)

The storm that interrupted 49ers-Seahawks night reminds us that back in the old days, weather never apparently happened. I mean, back in the day, it had to rain toads to even get the officials to notice. But these are the new times, where player safety is paramount and nobody wants to see anyone actually electrocuted on the field.

[RELATED: 49ers-Seahawks weather delay lasts exactly one hour]

Unless it’s your quarterback, or head coach, and in your opinion, he stinks. For example, you think anyone in Cleveland would want a game stopped if it meant Brandon Weeden might glow in the dark for awhile?

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Dana Flacco gave birth to a son Sunday morning. Her husband Joe was at the stadium, warming up for the Baltimore Ravens’ game against Cleveland. Now I’m going to wager that, despite your mounting outrage, Dana greenlighted Joe’s absence well ahead of time, and that Joe had asked for dispensation in a particularly abject way.

At worst, he worked one hell of a tradeout because women remember delivery-room slights more than any other kind. As they should.

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Tampa Bay’s dysfunction continues unabated, and not just because it took the full hookah against New Orleans. According to CBSSports’ Jason LaCanfora, with quarterback Josh Freeman now apparently wanting a trade and general manager Mark Dominik and head coach Greg Schiano apparently preparing to go at each other’s throats while the Glazers apparently are nowhere to be found to mediate.

We mention this for those people across the pond who religiously follow Manchester United, the Glazers’ other team, and think David Moyes is a problem. It could be infinitely, and I mean infinitely, worse.

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In related quarterback news, a Denver dispensary selling two strains of marijuana under the names Peyton and Eli Manning are being threatened with a lawsuit by the Manning family. Sounds like the company should pull the labels right after a shipment is sent to Tampa to mellow that upstairs harsh.

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And along that vein, the NFL would like to curtail profanity as a way of reducing taunting, as well as obtaining a new sense of inner completeness and all-around zentastic-ness. No more profanity, got it? This looks like one more job for Manning-juana!

Sponsored by Funyuns.

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According to Brian Tuohy’s book “Larceny Games: Sports Gambling, Game Fixing and the FBI,” FBI informants say three members of the 1981-2 New York Knicks fixed games for their cocaine dealer, who made big money betting against the Knicks in a year when betting against them would have been the smart thing to do anyway. According to the informants Tuohy used, one of the unnamed players was in deep to the Lucchese crime family, and well, one thing led to six others.

Then again, if you remember the Knicks uniforms of the day, fixing games was their best defense against wearing them in the future.

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And finally, why has nobody else concluded that Floyd Mayweather is the greatest fighter ever because, unlike Ali, Louis, Marciano or Johnson, he beat a qualified contender AFTER MEETING WITH JUSTIN BIEBER? That’s like fighting a guy with only your face and kidneys.