Picking sides in World War PED

Picking sides in World War PED
November 20, 2013, 3:45 pm
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Good luck finding a rooting interest in the battle between Bud Selig and Alex Rodriguez. (USATSI)

Alex Rodriguez’ blaze of glory departure from the arbitration hearing over whether the Yankees can screw him out of the rest of his contract was spectacular, in which he and Bud Selig’s consigliere Rob Manfred largely spat at each other both up close and from far away and described it as rain. Rodriguez then went on Mike Francesa’s radio show in New York and said he wasn’t returning unless Selig actually turned up himself, and then denied he has used PEDs since 2003.

And in case you’re wondering, every one of the principals in this argument is wrong and should be tied to planks of rotting wood and shipped out with the Eastern Canadian tide. You should hate both sides equally and with all the venom you aren’t expending on your own boss. Fight the power, Skippy. You have nothing to lose but your chains . . . and the locks, and the doors, and the rooms, and . . .

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Rodriguez’ was the best bitching of a very bitchy day, which included:

• Washington’s Santana Moss bitching on the LaVar and Dukes radio show that quarterback Robert Griffin III doesn’t take responsibility for his screwups in a largely ruined season.

• Fran Tarkenton telling Chris Tomasson of the St. Paul Pioneer and Press that he actually is the greatest quarterback ever and is in a nightly snit about never having won a Super Bowl.

• Ed Reed of the New York Jets saying that Houston’s interim coach and defensive coordinator Wade Phillips is the reason he is no longer a Texan. "That defense is not a good fit for a lot of people, not just me. The truth is the truth . . . You got to look at the play-calling and put your players in position to make plays.” He added cheekily that when they met for the last time, “'He came in and basically just made sure I was leaving.”

• Former Cowboy Will Allen telling Sirius XM radio that the team fails to reach its potential because it is micro-managed (you know by whom, so don’t pretend to ask).

• Jerry Jones (oops, sorry. Should have said “spoiler alert”) telling CBS News’ Jan Crawford that he listens to sports talk radio despite the fact that “criticism hurts, but it, boy – fuels your ambition. It makes me think, ‘I wanna show them.’” And then added, “I think I love the pain,” which isn’t actually a complaint but more an acknowledgement of a deep-seeded weirdness that borders on the creepy.

Other than that, and nearly everything else there is, the world is just fabulous.

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From the Elias Sports, Math, Future Nerds of America and Chocolate Confectionary Company, this you-could-have-seen-this-coming-in-June statistic: The Houston Rockets have been outscored by 35 points during the 93 min that Dwight Howard and Omer Asik have been on the floor together. I will now wait for you folks to decide which of those two players you hold responsible for this.

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And finally, Jay-Z, the principal agent for Robinson Cano, is testing Scott Boras’ gift for hotel lobby comedy by insisting that Cano is an all-entertainment steal at 10 years for $310 million. “They’re selling him as Michael Jordan, not as a baseball player,” said a major-league official familiar with Cano’s situation who wasn’t engaged trying to ram pointed sticks into Rodriguez. “As a guy that’s going to be a big rock star and bring all these fans in.”

I know money is now free in baseball because it just drops from the Internet sky and all, but $310 million seems steep for someone who wants to emulate someone who struggled at the plate and in right field for the Birmingham Barons and fled back to basketball to complete his true calling because he knew he would never play for the Chicago White Sox.

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