Pierzynski at his best when wasp hive shoved into his Y-fronts

September 4, 2013, 8:45 pm
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My Lord, doesn’t Pablo Sandoval look thin these days?

[RELATED: Sandoval responds to Crawford's ribbing with three-homer show]


A.J. Pierzynski and Yu Darvish couldn’t agree with each other on much of anything early Wednesday, which of course provided dandy entertainment at OcoLoco. But then they made up, Darvish got routed, and the A’s are back in a divisional tie. This shows without question that Pierzynski is always at his best when a wasp hive has been shoved into his Y-fronts, and at his worst when mellow.


Brian Urlacher, the former Chicago linebacker, broke zero news by admitting to Fox that the Bears slowed down fast offenses or offenses on long drives by doing what Chuck Knox did in 1988: “We had a guy who was the designated dive guy.” A sideline assistant Urlacher wouldn’t identify would mimic a diving motion, usually during a long drive. “It wasn't coached,” he said, “but it was part of our game plan.”

In short, the one rule of football that the league can never change is the one that reads, “If you ask us if we’re cheating, we say “No,” which means “Yes,” and if we ask how often, you say, “Never,” which means “Every chance we get.”

Buy Coaches Rosetta Stone if you don’t believe that.


Impatient Buffalo Sabre Steve Ott (@OtterN9NE) wearied of the team’s marketing department’s slow-motion third jersey unveiling, so he leaked it himself on Twitter. You may decide for yourselves what you think of it (the word “Buffalo” on the front is redundant to the point of insult, if you need a leg up on judgment), but the legend on his account -- The Official twitter account for Steve Ott of the Buffalo Sabres. Loved by many, Hated by many . . . MORE --- now includes his fellow employees.


In other hockey news, New Jersey general manager Lou Lamoriello spoke highly to the Bergen Record’s Tom Gulitti of new acquisition Jaromir Jagr’s down-below, and it actually makes sense of you can stop sniggering like some eight-year-old:

“Jaromir, he knows where he’s at and I know one thing,” said Lamoriello, who knows more than one thing. “When we played the Bruins last year we were worried about him on the power play. We were worried about that big rear end of his wherever it was standing . . . and how he could thread the needle.”

In other words, go Big Ass. Sounds like a marketing masterstroke, like . . .


The NHL’s greatest single off-season moment is now, with the Nashville Predators, who just seized the single dominant figure of the team’s history – the inability of people to avoid misspelling the team’s nickname. It’s this Twitter avatar; the logo, and the legend “GO PERDS.” It’s brilliant, pure and simple, and hats off to the drunken lager louts who thought, birthed and perfected it.

This congratulatory note comes from the people who only wish there was a San Francisco 94ers.


And finally,  to the pro-marijuana group Marijuana Policy Project Foundation in Colorado, who plopped up a billboard near Mile High (of course) Stadium pointing out that weed is a better alternative for players than drinking.

“NFL players are being told that they can go out and get completely drunk, but face no punishment from the league,” according to a spokesman for the project. “But if a player gets caught using marijuana, they could be fined hundreds of thousands of dollars, forced to sit out games and deemed a troublemaker.”

This cries out for a commentary from Bob Costas – wearing dreads and speaking in Jamaican patois while squinting out through a cloud of smoke in tonight’s pregame. Please let this happen, o corporate overlords.

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