Steelers LB Garvin does something nobody thought possible

Steelers LB Garvin does something nobody thought possible
December 16, 2013, 6:45 pm
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Steelers LB Terence Garvin laid out Cincinnati’s Kevin Huber with a block to the head Sunday, breaking his jaw and cracking a vertebra in his neck. (USA TODAY IMAGES)

And now this on the petulant outrage surrounding Peyton Manning as Sports Illustrated’s Sportsman of the Year: When was the last time marathon runners fleeing a bomb moved magazines? When was the last time the Sportsman of the Year mattered? When was the last time we as a culture DIDN’T worship people who could sell products or carry off the difficult scientific calculation of hosting Saturday Night Live in exchange for vast sums of money? When was the last time we didn’t whore ourselves out as a nation for the National Football League?

In other words, the problem isn’t that Manning won the award. The problem is why he doesn’t win it every year.

I guess this is just my subtle way of saying, “Grow up. Awards aren’t designed to glorify the recipient. They are designed to enrich and if necessary, though this is entirely optional, ennoble the presenter.” 

Now back to the third replay of this week’s edition of “Bill Belichick’s Day-After-A-Loss Press Conference.

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Lawrence Taylor thinks Tom Coughlin should stop coaching the New York Giants by mutual agreement. This would matter if (a) Lawrence Taylor’s name were actually Lawrence Taylor Mara, (b) if Coughlin weren’t already promised a golden parachute for years of service and body of work, and (c) if anyone can explain why someone would think Taylor’s impression of Coughlin’s job was any more binding than that of Phil in Syosset.

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Apropos of none of the above things, Josip Simunic, a Croatian soccer player who got in trouble for leading the crowd in an old-time fascist chant from the days during World War II when Croatia was indeed a pro-Nazi puppet state, got his bill from FIFA Monday: A 10-match suspension which carries through the World Cup.

The lesson: History is occasionally overrated.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled degradations.

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Dallas wide receiver/mood ring Dez Bryant says he left the field early before the hilarious end of Packers-Cowboys because he didn’t want anyone to see him crying. This of course outraged people who are still watching the Cowboys, but he did manage not to throw up on the star on his way out of Cowboys Stadium. Frankly, this sounds mostly like jealous rants from people who were upset he got out of the stadium before any of them did.

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HBO’s 24/7 may never be Taxicab Confessions, but learning with video evidence that Toronto Maple Leafs coach Randy Carlyle can’t make toast is exactly the sort of thing that enterprising Ontario media types will use for only . . . well, Carlyle has another 25 years or so of life span. After that, the story is officially listed as day-to-day.

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Pittsburgh Steeler Terence Garvin did something Sunday that nobody thought possible – make people find sympathy for a punter they’d never heard of. Garvin laid out Cincinnati’s Kevin Huber with a block to the head Sunday, breaking his jaw and cracking a vertebra in his neck. Since punters are usually regarded with the same care as locusts and eye-clawing wolverines, Garvin probably figured he’d gotten a free one, but he is expected to be fined for hitting a defenseless player (I did say Huber’s a punter, right?), and will also be forced by rule to block only linebackers with impulse control problems for the rest of this season and the first two games of next year.

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You know who should be asked by some enterprising reporter about the coaching vacancy at Texas, just to gauge his interest, or at least his interest in strangling the reporter? Tennessee Tech coach Watson Brown. And no, the fact that he’s Mack’s brother really shouldn’t deter any questioner bold enough to ask, nor should Brown be bashful about wanting to make 75 times his current salary. I mean, family schmamily -- this is bidness.