Rick Pitino’s tattoo, the one he’s promised to get now that Louisville has won the national championship, should read one of four things:
1. My Horse Is Better Than Whatever You Have
2. My Hall of Fame Plaque Is Better Than Whatever You’ve Done
3. My Championships Make Me Smarter Than You
4. Yes, Things Do Look Smaller In My Rear View Mirror
What he’s likely to get, however, is “Un Attimo Lucente.” “One Shining Moment in Italian.” Fewer letters, less pain.
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Chris Webber turned up at the championship game, but sat apart from the other four members of the Fab Four as part of what seems to be a long-term freezeout. Ahh, families. Can’t live with them, don’t like to bother trying either.
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Speaking of which, the children of Johnny Unitas are arguing over Joe Flacco playing their father in the upcoming film, “Unitas We Stand.” Well, that’s not entirely so. What they are actually arguing about is money, because that’s what they’ve always argued about, apparently. Flacco just happens to be a handy new ball to kick. We’d tell you why they’re arguing, but we stopped caring about 30 words into the story.
Anyway, they’ll need to step up their game if they want to reach Ted Williams’ family status, but we’ll give points for being stupid and petty while trying.
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Cal is calling a press conference to announce a new “streamlined visual identity” for its athletic teams. That’s oh-shut-the-hell-up for “new logo,” and should be good for some hilarious Old Blues/New Blues sparring over things like design and modernity and doing what Nike wants.
The design will at least have two things going for it: One, no sleeves on the basketball jerseys, and two, no lime green. But in the end, it won’t have that classic Cal clunkiness, which means that it will go over like an anthrax omelet.
Besides, how the hell do you streamline Oski?
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“Lennay Kekua’s Entry” won ESPN’s Tournament Challenge? Yes. Of course. Because more than anything else, life blows its nose on art.
And next year’s winner will be “John Beilein Thought He Was In The One-And-One.”
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Who says the Mets don’t offer educational value? On Monday’s SNY broadcast of the Mets-Marlins game, a screen graphic pointed out that the home run sculpture at Marlins Park costs more than 22 of the 25 Marlins. The three that are actually worth more, until they get traded back into the major leagues anyway, are Ricky Nolasco, Adeiny Hechavarria and Placido Polanco. Conversely, the giant glove behind left field at The House That Bonds Built ranks 17th on the Giants’ payroll – 19th if you count Brian Sabean and Bruce Bochy.
And the tarp in Oakland is worth less than the major league minimum.
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Mark Reynolds has a new favorite player: Rick Ankiel’s first 14 plate appearances this year have been, in order, home run, K, K, K, line out, K, K, K, K, K, K, K, K and might we add, K. If he gets to 502, he’ll finish with 35 homers and 430 strikeouts.
Hey, a man has to stand for something.
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The International Olympic Committee is considering adding three-on-three basketball and BMX racing. We see little reason for the BMX, but we can always change the channel. The 3x3, though, is the prelude to a whole new level of Olympic quality sports, including H-O-R-S-E, competitive stretching, the lay-up line, pitchers’ fielding practice, pitch and putt, and freestyle Zamboni.
Oh, and a whole array of peyote ingestion skills, if for no better reason than to explain three-on-three.
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And finally, the janitorial department at Rutgers fired nobody Monday. They probably figured nobody would be paying attention on the night of the national championship.
Well it’s Tuesday now, fellas, and Nucky Thompson hasn't been pink-slipped yet. No slacking now, not when you're so close.