Will Ferrell becomes only coaching candidate USC deserves

First of all, the Los Angeles Dodgers winning Game 4 of their National League Division Series is valuable only because it means a fifth game, and fifth games are always good in a best-of-five series, just as seventh games are required behavior in a seven-game series.

But it also stills the argument about whether Clayton Kershaw is a great pitcher who doubles as a choking dog, or a choking dog masquerading as a great pitcher. Here are the facts:

1. Kershaw is a great pitcher.
2. He has pitched pretty damned well in this postseason.
3. Shut up about his legacy. Have the decency to wait until he drops dead, you instant-gratification weasels.

There. I feel much better now.

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As for the Chicago Cubs, it’s just more proof that the two-wild-card playoff system works so well that wild card teams have reached the LCS four times in five attempts (Houston has yet to navigate the LDS – Latter Day Saints, to our Mormon friends) and the World Series twice.

In other words, size, meet small sample.

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The Golden State Warriors’ championship pedigree has been challenged a lot of late, which is a good time to remind you all that you went to a parade, so stop whining that everyone else on earth doesn’t worship team as though they were great Fijian gods. It is unbecoming, not to mention a major factor in, to borrow Charlie Brooker’s memorable phrase, “this putrid modern hell.” Your team won. That is not a disputable thing. Now if someone said, “The only reason the Warriors won is because they poisoned all the other teams into a near-death state and then slaughtered them like pigs as they lay writhing spasmodically,” you might have a case, but moaning that your team isn’t getting enough respect is beneath you.

And trust me, I didn’t think anything was beneath you lot.

[RELATED: Sarcastic Curry apologizes for accolades, Warriors being healthy]

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Curt Schilling tweeted his analysis of the Democratic debate, which I won’t show you only because who cares? When I want athletes to straighten me out on my view of politics, religion or any other non-sporting matter, I will actually seek them out and ask them.

As for my own politics, I was a Whig until I found out that half the four Whig presidents died in office. Now, I am just a guy who hates the Buster Posey-in-the-delivery-room ad like the rest of you.

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No college football coaches quit, were fired or bitched about the cruel hell-bastard media Tuesday. I think the game is dying in America.

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USC must now vet its next football coach, and so far the company that does the vetting seems to like three people above the others: Vince Lombardi, Billy Bob Thornton and Dora The Explorer. The likeliest hire, though, is Will Ferrell because he’ll play to the alums – even when the alums have birthday parties for their grandchildren.

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And finally, when you want to know what’s hitting bottom, Lamar Odom. May he survive, heal himself, find his equilibrium in sobriety and change the nightmare he’s been living.