We are about to watch our brackets get busted while whittling away countless hours of productivity and our employers' financial resources as we lament the impossible heave that took out our favorite team.
As Mid-Majors make mush out of Major-Majors, there have been life events in March that define what real madness is all about:
Secretary of Tattoos Dennis Rodman hanging out in North Korea with his hoops homey Kim Jong Un:
“A good guy” according to “Mr. Wedding Dress." One week later, KJU threatened to nuke us all if his bracket doesn’t play out as predicted, or maybe it the was the broken date that “The Worm” promised with Carmen Electra. How about Barack against Kim J for world domination, first one to 21?
When a basic cable show about the “Walking Dead” eats up every network show in the ratings:
We have to rethink whether Zombies are really that bad. The good news is that “Walking Dead” outperforms “The Big Bang Theory,” “The Voice” and “Two and a Half Men.” This shows a certain intellectual awakening by the coveted 18-49 demo.
526 Spring Training baseball games were played with the largest percentage in March:
Whether you were sitting in on Cactus League games or cutting out from work to get into a compelling Grapefruit tussle the madness in march unfolded day after day with baseball names and numbers that you already forgot. The Giants had 3 consecutive ties in the desert, go figure.
Are we talking World Badminton Championship, The World Boxing Council or the World Barista Championship. No, it’s the World Baseball Classic which has mesmerized at least 1.2% of MLB baseball fans. There is nothing classic about the classic so far other than the bunt-brawl between Canada and Mexico and The Dominican Republic taking down the USA.
Anquan Boldin for a sixth round draft pick:
Niners get quality Dungeness in exchange for a piddling 6th round blue crab claw.
Oakland A’s outfielder Michael Taylor is currently sidelined with an injury that could only happen during spring training:
Taylor sliced his finger after hitting his hand on a light fixture in the team’s dugout attempting to throw his gum away.
Tiger Woods destroys the field in the WGC. Then:
The Cadillac Championship at Doral’s Blue Monster. Course owner “His Hairness,” Donald Trump, proceeds to redesign the course one day after the tournament ends. “I will create a brand new, incredible course.” I hear the 18th hole will be constructed in the shape of his pompous pompadour.
Not the hole in one we golfers dream of
At the Ann Briar Golf Course in Waterloo Illinois, a sinkhole on the 14th fairway opened up right underneath Mark Mihal. It happened so quickly, the 43-year-old disappeared as his companions tried frantically to reach him. His friends climbed into the 18-foot-deep hole and helped him out with a ladder. He emerged without his ball, but with a dislocated shoulder.
Wow, I didn’t know that!
You will have to listen to a hoard of babbling basketball broadcasters telling you that “He/she can really score the ball, that was a great basketball play, He/she has an extremely high basketball IQ, or, that was a brilliant time out.”
The good news is that there will be “One Shining Moment” when the Madness is over.