Brian Cashman's four-letter word for A-Rod

Brian Cashman's four-letter word for A-Rod
June 25, 2013, 9:45 pm
Share This Post
"Twitter is like a drug. You start with little tiny pinches, and pretty soon you're naked on the roof with four loaded iPhones sending out links from The Onion and claiming they're secret messages from the Illuminati."
Ray Ratto

If only Barry Bonds had spent more time pointing at Alex Rodriguez and saying to his critics, “Why are you yelling at ME? Look at this guy.”

Rodriguez, who just completed his doctorate in tone-deaf, tweeted (and there’s a moronic idea in and of itself) that his doctor had greenlighted him to begin playing, which oddly enough irritated Yankees general manager Brian Cashman so much that he broke his faceplate blurting out, “You know what, when the Yankees want to announce something, (we will). Alex should just shut the f--- up. That's it. I'm going to call Alex now.”

Well, good luck with that. Twitter is like a drug. You start with little tiny pinches, and pretty soon you're naked on the roof with four loaded iPhones sending out links from The Onion and claiming they're secret messages from the Illuminati. And when you add a man who has fancied himself as the business end of a centaur, naked on the roof seems almost benign.

X X X

And warming up in the bullpen of the fourth circle of Hell, ABC’s Celebrity Wife Swap, which Sunday features (and the person who thought of this should probably be the bullpen coach in Hell) Nature Boy Ric Flair and Rowdy Roddy Piper.

Piper will be the sane one. The children will be the ones telling their friends they were raised feral in the woods.

X X X

Glendale, Az., has been standing on the low end of the Titanic for so long that it seems like a cruise ship touring the Mediterranean. Now the people who run the town, which houses the debt-crushed Jobing.Inc Arena, the home of the endlessly undesirable Phoenix Coyotes, are seizing upon an idea of selling City Hall to pay down the debt.

Yes, it’s that most novel of financial schemes, the white elephant saving the white elephant that is home to the white elephant. After that, Cabela’s, then TGI Friday’s, and finally Circle K.

X X X

Five more NBA teams are rumored to be planning sleeved uniforms for 2014, as the Warriors did this year. It should be noted that the Warriors never wore the eyesores during their playoff run, but that should prove no detriment to, say, Phoenix, which is redoing its logo yet again and apparently dropping its traditional purple from the palette.

But you know, sleeves don’t make the man. Sleeves make the chafing that irritates the man, and also makes the man look like secretary-treasurer of the Geek Squad.

X X X

The Center For Diversity and Ethics in Sport at the University of Central Florida just announced that the NBA was the leader in gender and racial hiring, “and has been for the past 20 years,” according to founder Richard Lapchick.

In other words, this is the organization’s version of Stanford winning the Director’s Cup for the 53rd year in a row. Not news, and not news for two consecutive decades. Way to do what you’ve been doing for longer than most people can remember, NBA. You’ll forgive us if it just looks like normal business.

X X X

Sacramento Kings coach Michael Malone just hired veteran NBA assistant (and one-time head coach of the then-expansiontastic Toronto Raptors) Brendan Malone.

Yes. Dad. Now comes the fun part – the son telling the father, “You’re in charge of DeMarcus Cousins. And say hi to Mom.”

X X X

And finally, Forty-Niner tight end Vernon Davis was asked about the NFC West and went deliciously, hilariously and potentially troublingly off script.

“It’s a great division. You’ve got a team like Seattle, who is coming up. I mean, they’re building a dynasty over there. They’ve got some good players over there who (are) eager to win. I mean, these guys are starving.
So we have to really keep that in mind because these guys are coming to take us out. I respect them, just like I respect my team.”

Dynasty? Respect? Where is Jim Harbaugh’s quality control fetish when he needs it most? How could Trent Baalke not have briefed the employees on the proper view of the Highlighter Gang? What’s the point of hating a team when you can’t get everyone to hate the team in unison?

Aside to Jed York. When you put out the “Seattle Is The Great Satan” memo, you have to make sure everyone gets a copy, reads it, and signs the release form. Otherwise, it just won’t work.