Collins wins series MVP of 'human being-hood'

Collins wins series MVP of 'human being-hood'
April 29, 2013, 11:00 pm
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Oh, and if Jason Collins bothers you because he came out, give up. You lost.
—Ray Ratto

Kevin Johnson can now run for governor, if that job isn’t beneath him. Unless the other 17 owners know something the relocation committee doesn’t, the Sacramento Kings remain Sacramento’s, the NBA has decided it doesn’t need Seattle’s market or its megabillionaires, and David Stern remains the most power lame-duck hammer in the room.

That means that Johnson has delivered what logically couldn’t be delivered, and all credit to him for cheating both the odds and the reaper. His work seems to be done here, and he can start becoming a bone spur in Jerry Brown’s hinder. All right, all night, pol fight! Yay C-SPAN!

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As for Chris Hansen, he gets to learn to love his new life as a stalking horse for the next disaffected team that wants a free arena and needs a place to move as a threat. That ought to be fun.

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To the first person who thinks Golden State would be a great place for Jason Collins in 2013-14, sure, I suppose. For the person who thinks Golden State would be a great place because Rick Welts, the first openly gay pro sports executive, is the vice president, wise up. Collins has shown he’s about achieving on his own merits. If it’s the Warriors, it’s because they have a need for center depth behind Andrew Bogut he can fill. If not, it’s someone else. Or maybe it’s nobody. We’ll see.

[RATTO: Jason Collins moves the ball forward]

That is, you see, one of the ancillary points of coming out, after all – the merits of the case. Jason Collins wins the series MVP of human being-hood. Basketball is just a thing he does.

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Oh, and if Jason Collins bothers you because he came out, give up. You lost. History, fairness, decency and America’s essentially pragmatic soul schooled you like you were the Denver Nuggets trying to guard Stephen Curry.

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The Stanley Cup Playoffs begin Tuesday, and the Warriors notwithstanding, they will show again why the NBA lags behind in the early rounds for drama and tension. In fact, this might be the year that the NBA never catches up, because unless we miss our guess, Miami is going to run the table, coming as close as any team has come to the logical extension of the famous Malone Doctrine of the early ‘80s – “Fo’ Fo, Fo’ and Fo’.” Malone, as in Moses, described his Philadelphia 76ers’ championship prospects in 1983 by the number of games it would take for the Sixers to win, and since it was a three-round playoff back then, he only needed the three of them.

As it turns out, the Sixers lost Game 4 of the Eastern finals to Milwaukee, but otherwise backed up Malone’s claim. So nobody has gone fo’, fo’, fo’, fo’ yet. And we emphasize the “yet.”

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Kenneth Faried’s frustrated kick through a piece of dry wall in the visitors’ locker room in Oakland’s new House Of Treys can be fixed quickly, and by some fans from the Austrian soccer team Rapid Wien, a traditional power which is a weak third this year in the Austrian Bundesliga and just lost to the hilariously named Red Bull Salzburg.

So the fans decided to express their displeasure with bricks. Not throwing them. Laying them. They put a wall in front of the team’s headquarters, with a photo of manager Werner Kuhn, with the caption, “I’m not allowed in.”

And that, children and other misanthropes, is how we get the fan-friendly experience: Say it with mortar.

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And finally, Anthony Calvillo is eager to help tutor a new kid, even someone as anonymous as Tim Tebow. Calvillo has been the quarterback for the Montreal Alouettes for 63 years, holds every meaningful record in the league, and will probably see George Blanda in his rear view mirror.

That said, he probably found the Tebow notion floated Monday that Tebow would be welcomed to try for a backup gig in La Belle Provence to be patently ridiculous. In fact, I’d like it if he said, “Tebow? Feh. That sounds like something the New York Jets would do.”

Yes. It would.