The end of the Cubs at Wrigley or a calculated political move?

The end of the Cubs at Wrigley or a calculated political move?
March 18, 2013, 11:45 pm
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The Cubs aren't leaving Wrigley Field. It's just another politician trying to grab the spotlight. (USA TODAY IMAGES)

When you ask yourselves why cities continue to offer sports teams money and land despite the Olympus Mons of evidence that suggests that it is a terrible deal for the cities who do the giving, we bring you the answer.

Brad Stephens, the mayor of Rosemont, Illinois, who is offering the Cubs 25 acres of land and, we presume, all the money he can steal from Downer’s Grove, to get the Cubs to consider moving west. The Cubs, momentarily forgetting that leverage is better than everything in the world, including sex, is ignoring the offer, and Chicago officials are laughing at it, but at least you got your answer.

[CSNChicago.com: Rosemont Cubs? Suburban mayor makes his pitch]

It’s because politicians find this a more sociably acceptable way of getting temporary attention for themselves than pulling down one’s trousers and revealing an underwear-free environment within while singing “I Am 16 Going On 17.”

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The Tuck Rule is dead for all intent and purpose. So, apparently, is the can’t-challenge-a-play-that-is-automatically-challenged rule. Thus, the pressure is on Roger Goodell’s Competition and Healthy Snacks Committee to come up with a completely nonsensical rule that has nothing to do with how normal people perceive football to replace it.

[MAIOCCO: Rule-change proposals -- 'Tuck Rule' to be abolished?]

But it isn’t, as some players and ex-players seem to think, the running-backs-can’t-use-the-crown-of-the-helmet-outside-the-tackle-box rule. I mean, let’s be honest – what other collection of cinderblocks with ears would rise and say, “Workplace safety? What are we, made of Styrofoam? Bite me! I won’t do it!”

We almost feel for old Ginger Snap here, since he seems to be the only one who wants the game played with less aggressive forms of brain damage – although, in keeping with his priorities, it is mostly to minimize lawsuits from former players and convince parents that letting their children play football is not tantamount to abuse.

But we said “almost.” As soon as enough owners say, “Screw safety. Wire them with gelignite and blow them up at random. TV will love it!” Goodell will revert to the new standard. It’s what commissioners do, after all – follow the money and wait for some of it to fall their way.

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Bob Kraft’s hissy-fit at Wes Welker’s agents was revealing in only one way: he did it where people could hear.

But in savaging David Dunn and Brian Murphy for not better understanding New England’s view of market value misses the greater point, which is this: The Patriots wanted Wes Welker slightly less than they wanted their salary structure, and it isn’t a crime against humanity to say that.

It is also not a crime for Kraft to have answered the questions about Welker by saying, “Danny Amendola, you nitwits. That’s why. Danny Freaking Amendola.” But it’s always like that – you think of what you should have said after you already something else. Like, “I don’t answer to Tom Brady.”

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Tiger Woods and Lindsey Vonn . . . wait for it . . . it’s coming, I’m sure of it . . . no. Sorry. The moment passed. I tried to care, but it just isn’t happening. I mean, Facebook? Really?

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After watching the New Orleans Hornets Monday night, it strikes a reasonable person that Pelicans can’t happen soon enough.

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Speaking of makeovers, a radio chap from Sacramento named Dave Weiglein (Carmichael Dave, for you non-capital types) is planning a 12-city NBA tour to try to drum up fan support for keeping the Kings in California. Effort always counts, of course, but unless he’s planning to run into 12 billionaires that will let him suck up to them, he should find solace in the fact that at least his flights, lodging, food and beers have been covered.

At least we hope they have been. Twelve-city tours on your own dime have a limited charm, and if he doesn’t come back with the Kings in a pretty purple bow, there’ll be some ‘splainin’ to do, Loocy.