Fightin' Lolo Jones is a true Olympian

Fightin' Lolo Jones is a true Olympian
July 16, 2013, 9:30 pm
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In her short bobsled career, Lolo Jones has complained about her paycheck and fought the stepdaughter of a Team USA legend. (AP)

This is the last time you will be told, so clip and save, or whatever you do when you put your limited memory span to use. Major League Baseball is not going to rule on the A’s, the Giants and San Jose, so shut up about it. Bud Selig was asked again Tuesday and gave his standard answer; “Arglebargle Morble Whoosh,” which is old-style Hindi for “How much longer do you need before you figure out that I’m never giving you an answer, you morons?”

One, San Jose is suing Major League Baseball for political cover, thereby causing lawyers on two coasts to seize in their chairs waiting for the billable hours to accrue. Two, the owners don’t care who wins that argument, John Fisher or Charlie Johnson, and didn’t care when it was Steve Schott and Peter Magowan. Three, Bud Selig works for the owners, so see Two. Four, Lew Wolff has no leverage, never has and never will. And Five, the blue ribbon panel studying the situation is now 52 months into its 45-minute investigation on the difference between Oakland and San Jose, and in the meantime has been distracted by a hunt for the elusive three-horned tartanskin unicorn of Sumatra and wants to complete that work first.

In other words, you are wasting your lung capacities even asking. And frankly, that should have become clear to you about two years earlier.

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Meanwhile, the Raiders are talking about a new 56,500-seat stadium at the current Coliseum site, of which they will kick in $300 million (hah!) if the NFL comes up with $200 million (double hah!) and others come up with the remaining $300 million (hah to the infinity-eth power!).

One, this means they think they can never grow the fan base beyond 56,500 people. Two, Al Davis had one of those stadiums and then screwed it up when he left in 1981 and then again when he came back in 1995. Three, if they still manage to get it, that will leave De La Salle football as the only franchise that hasn’t gotten a new playpen – which it would have gotten years ago if the school had only moved to north-central Texas when it had the chance.

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By the way, the ATMs over at Forbes just announced that the 49ers are the 17th most valuable sports franchise on earth, with the Giants in 49th and the Raiders in 50th. De La Salle was 56th.

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Florida football coach Will Muschamp is getting heat-vision burns from Urban Meyer after saying at the SEC media day that coaches are “100% responsible” for players' off-field behavior. Unless, of course, Meyer has already done the calculation that “100% responsible” translates into “0% responsible.”

Oh, and when we say “Urban Meyer,” that translates into “damned near every other coach in America.”

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Between complaining about her paycheck and clocking the stepdaughter of the former head of Team USA, I don’t think Lolo Jones is cut out for this bobsled thing. Then again, that’s the beauty of chasing fame – eventually it catches you and takes a huge bite out of the thing that keeps your legs from falling off. Good work, Lo. You are as Olympic as Olympic can be.

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Kim Kardashian was never the sharpest spatula in the drawer, but it must now gall her to learn that the highest-paid Boston Celtic is currently . . . yes, you guessed it . . . Kris Humphries. He makes about $46,000 more than Rajon Rondo, a fact Rondo may mention from time to time at the top of his lungs to Brad Stevens when it comes time to work on the pick-and-roll at practice.

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And finally, Mariano Rivera says thank you. Evidently about 70 times a day.