Full-fledged punch line Tim Tebow goes unclaimed

Full-fledged punch line Tim Tebow goes unclaimed
April 30, 2013, 10:15 pm
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Tim Tebow remains unemployed after going unclaimed by every NFL team. 

New Cal football coach Sonny Dykes may sound like he’s too deep south for the Berkeley sensibilities, but that’s only to tin-eared dopes who judge people by things like accents or skin color or sexual orientation.

Proof: When asked if he thinks he's coached gay players before, he said, “I would definitely say we all have at some point.” And he didn’t say it with any distaste, either. In other words, this is more proof that the fight people believe is being won by Jason Collins’ nobility has already been fought and won in locker rooms across America. We are arguing over a battle in which victory has already been silently declared.

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The Los Angeles Lakers played their ace Tuesday when they held their postseason pressers to obliterate talk of Game 5 of the Clippers-Grizzlies series. Between The Mad Tweeter, Disappearing Dwight and Mumbles Kupchak, they were positively enchanting for their market.

But unless they have something else up their sleeve for Game 6, the Clippers will eventually get a headline in L.A. This calls for a well-floated Phil Jackson rumor, and we as a nation will be enraged if nobody shows the gumption to toss one out there by start of business Thursday.

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As for Howard, he never hinted what he intended to do re: returning to Los Angeles, saying he needed to clear his head. Now there’s a notion to make the blood run cold.

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Tim Tebow went unclaimed by every NFL team. You would think someone with the supernatural powers he possessed in Denver that he could have clouded at least one general manager’s mind.

Then again, superhero or no superhero, nobody ever accused him of being Professor X.

In fact, thanks to forces at ESPN and the New York Jets comedy troupe, now he’s a full-fledged punch line. You can now add the indoor Omaha Beef to the Montreal Alouettes as teams offering not-very-seriously to invite him to whatever camp the Beef holds. And there will be more.

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Justin Blackmon, future strength and conditioning coach. After all, a person’s body is a temple. Or a CVS. We’re not entirely sure.

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Robert Griffin III overclubbed with the “tyranny” line, yes he did. On the other hand, he’ll find out what tyranny is the first time he is asked/told/forced to take a pay cut for the greater glory of the moron who screwed up the salary cap.

I mean, even the Maloofballs didn’t say anything about tyranny when they got that vote from the NBA’s Not Necessarily Relocation Committee jammed in their eyes Monday. And as we know, they are likely to say anything at any time for any reason whatsoever. It’s their enduring charm . . . at least for a few more weeks.

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Ken Campbell of The Hockey News reports that associate Bettman Bill Daly says there is nothing set in stone for the Phoenix Coyotes to remain in Arizona next year. As always, he says there are people interested in buying the team, without actually naming any of them, which reminds us that the Sacramento Bee recently reported interest by the Maloofs in taking their sale proceeds and buying an NHL team.

Please let this happen. Please please please.

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And finally, Borussia Dortmund is in the Champions League final after an inspiring 2-0 loss to Real Madrid Tuesday. Them’s the rules, daddy.