Florida has removed the commemorative All-American brick for Aaron Hernandez, which seems to be jumping the innocent-until-proven-guilty thing pretty badly. Oh, Hernandez still LOOKS pretty damned hinky, especially now that there seems to evidence of him HOLDING AN ALLEGED MURDER WEAPON, so don’t get us wrong here. He looks, as the jury said at the end of “The Producers,” “in-CRED-ibly guilty,” but this is just one more reminder that it ain’t what it is, it’s what it looks like.
It’s the same reason we get critiques of Bill Belichick press conferences. We have no idea what’s for real, what’s a front and what’s a bald-faced lie, but if it looks like what we want it to be, it is what we want it to be.
Time for a drink.
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Anyone want to know one way to make Larry Baer turn purplish-blue? Tell him the Dallas Cowboys finally caved in and sold the naming right for their stadium to AT&T. Yes, the same AT&T that bought the rights to the Giants’ park and San Antonio’s basketball arena.
Anyone want to know one other way to make Larry Baer turn purplish-blue. Pinch his nose and put your hand over his mouth. I mean, if that’s your goal, you should know more than one method for doing the job.
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Steve Smith of the Carolina Panthers compared the team’s desire to become a winning team again to that of a 35-year-old woman who wants to get married and pregnant.
In other words, the next time you hear of a Panther who wants to be traded, you’ll have a better understanding of why. I mean, why would Matt Moore want to get pregnant? Even the money he could get selling his story (“I Got Knocked Up For The Team: A Quarterback's Journey From Justin Smith To Braxton Hicks”) isn’t that much of a score after taxes.
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The New York Yankees are thinking of fining Alex Rodriguez for seeking a second opinion on his leg non-injury without getting permission from the team to see the doctor, who actually didn’t examine Rodriguez but film of Rodriguez’ MRI from Presbyterian Hospital, which the hospital denies.
In other words, keep going with the poop-storm, boys. You haven’t gotten to the point yet where you’re pantsing each other, but at this rate, we’ll be seeing your drawers before the trade deadline, sure.
Oh, and in case Rodriguez and the Steinbrenners still think this public shame-o-rama is a battle for America’s hearts and minds, let us clue them in. Everyone everywhere hates your guts, fellas. Everyone. Everywhere. If you could all fall down a well and leave the money behind, we’d be a better culture.
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And as for retired journeyman Robert Fick rolling over and admitting he used steroids in an attempt to recover faster from a shoulder injury, well, nobody’s going to make a deal about that because Robert Fick is, no matter which way you cut it, Robert Fick. And his career salary of $5,505,000 is 1.252 percent of Rodriguez’, which is most of the reason you won’t hear anything about him. Bud Selig makes no legacy points with Robert Fick.
So again – it’s about money, it’s about fame and it’s about appearances. Cleaning up the game is a story they tell kids who have trouble getting to sleep at night – kind of like The Princess Bride, only without the Inigo Montoya part.
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And finally, Darrell Dockett of the Arizona Cardinals took one step closer to Notice Me Always Village by tweeting that he tried to bring his pet tiger to training camp, according to BustedCoverage.com. So if your fantasy draft comes up soon and you haven’t heard any updates about Carson Palmer, listen for the burp. He may not have enjoyed Oakland, but being eaten by a jungle cat in the service of the Arizona Cardinals is still a worse gig.