Hopeless Raiders selling nostalgia to hungry fan base

Hopeless Raiders selling nostalgia to hungry fan base
May 21, 2013, 11:00 pm
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Will Charles Woodson drastically change the Raiders' playoff chances? No. But he might sell a few more tickets. (AP)

Charles Woodson is a Raider again, proving if nothing else that a memory is a terrible thing to waste. But a wallet is a good thing to fill, apparently, in times of competitive fallowness like these, the Raiders have never been afraid to sell nostalgia to a hungry fan base.

Though "Story Time With Chris Kluwe" still seems like their best promotion to date.

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The A’s are having what we had fervently wished was an inspired Oakland-o-centric promotion on August 3 against the Rangers, when anyone buying a plaza reserved package gets a nauseating yet presumably stylish Zubaz. Hey, if looking like a drunken extra in Aladdin is your deal, go with God.

Or don’t. You know who else is doing this? The Cubs. September 23 against the Pirates. So never mind. It stopped being retro-cool again. Another opportunity ruined.

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Jerry Reinsdorf has apparently told his sons that when he joins the feathered choir that he wants them to keep the family share in the Chicago Bulls but to dump the White Sox on the first sucker . . . er, highest bidder they can find. Too bad, too; if it was the other way around, the boys could work Chris Hansen for a couple of hundred million extra, and then end up selling it to Rahm Emanuel for all the lakefront property in town.

Then again, David Stern will be gone by then. We think. So Seattle might actually have a shot. On the other hand, Stern said Tuesday that even though he will retire as NBA Commissioner in February, “Stay tuned . . . I will not be inactive.”

In other words, Seattle won’t have a shot. Never mind, Chris. You’re still hosed.

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Speaking of the NBA, its draft lottery show went off without a hitch, except for that moment when the Warriors card was pulled. “Oh God,” Adam Silver was heard saying on air. “Sorry, everyone. Force of habit.”

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Yes, Sergio Garcia went the fried chicken dinner route when talking about Tiger Woods at the European Tour dinner Tuesday night. Cue the second confused yet fake abject apology in 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . . and cue the Tiger Woods-passive-aggressively-ignores-the-apology-and-keeps-the-hatred-in-the-living-room non-response in 4 . . . 5 . . . 6.

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If the Indiana Pacers look like they’re getting close to beating the Miami Heat in the Eastern Conference final, Nick Gilbert will be the referee of the clinching game. That’s how wired the son of the Cleveland Cavaliers’ owner is into the league’s inner workings.

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Never mind that Kevin Durant gave $1 million to the Oklahoma Tornado relief fund. That’s just money, albeit a lot of it. The real key here is that he actually showed up to walk the grounds and do more than the check. Don’t get us wrong – a check is a grand thing, and if you have a spare one, you should send it. But both writing and walking is a statement, and Durant made it.

In other words, anything you have to say about him failing to single-handedly beat the Memphis Grizzlies should be said while you are falling from a bridge.

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And finally, according to Comrade Maiocco, the 31 other NFL owners were very impressed with the technological savvy the 49ers showed in their Super Bowl presentation. Of course, this meant that every owner received a new iPad from the 49ers as part of the deal, and even though each of them could buy 30,000 of them, it’s the thought that counts.

It counts as a needless extravagance, though, because once the Miami Dolphins couldn’t get their state politicians to give them another turn at the public trough, Jed York could have given them all Hello Kitty Lite Brites and gotten their votes.

And, need we remind you, the NFL currently has no commercial deal with the Hello Kitty people.

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