Kentucky's Calipari no longer waiting to exhale

Kentucky's Calipari no longer waiting to exhale
March 19, 2013, 10:15 pm
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Will John Calipari be charged with treason in Kentucky? (AP)

If we'd have won at the buzzer, it would have been a shame.
—Kentucky head coach John Calipari
I used my forearm, the palm of my hand, my shoulder, and my shoulder pads. I wasn't putting my head into too much of anything
—NFL Hall of Fame running back Jim Brown

That blizzard of escaping air you heard was John Calipari exhaling. He can stop coaching this Kentucky team, and by the sounds of his postgame comments in their wake of the ‘Cats’ 59-57 loss to Robert Morris in the first round of the NIT, he’s not all that sad about it.

“This is a shot in the arm for (Robert Morris) and (the Colonials) deserve to win the game,” Calipari said. “If we'd have won at the buzzer, it would have been a shame.

“They haven't had any discipline all year," Calipari added about his own team. “We ended on a note we've been talking about (all year). We can't really play (disciplined).”

Of course, Calipari now has fences to mend with his fan base, at least the one guy named Chester who said on Kentucky Sports Radio that the ‘Cats had not been placed in the NCAA Tournament because of “liberal socialists.” Even if Vladimir Putin did keep UK out of the big dance, the performance in the little dance pretty much means he and his pals in the Russian political class at least know one thing about basketball.

But that doesn’t do much for Calipari, who may now be accused of treason.

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If Jim Brown says the new proposed rule prohibiting running backs from using the crown of their helmets as a battering ram is a good idea, that clearly trumps Emmitt Smith, Matt Forte and every other running back ever.

“I didn't use my head," Brown told Newsday Tuesday. “I used my forearm, the palm of my hand, and my shoulder, and my shoulder pads. I wasn't putting my head into too much of anything. I don't think that's a good idea. At least it doesn't sound like a good idea to me if I'm not guaranteed that my head is going to be strong enough to hurt somebody else and not hurt myself.”

Now who are you, a good football fan, going to believe – Emmitt Smith and Matt Forte, or the best running back ever and all the neurologists ever born?

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If the 30 major league baseball owners vote in May to curtail the pension plans they currently make available to non-uniformed major league personnel, we will send condolence cards to the weasel population of North America. I mean, you are judged by the company you keep, and real weasels cannot be happy about the association.

According to Adam Rubin of ESPN.com, some owners have been raging about this issue for several years, but a majority are now ready to pull the plug on the pension plan that they have been finding for years.

And when we say “now,” we mean at a time when baseball has never been more flush with cash. So when we say “now,” this decision is not need-based, but we-don’t-feel-like-it-any-more-based.

Oh, MLB trotted out pitbull Rob Manfred to put a flowery hat on the issue, but the bottom line is simple. The baseball industry has done extraordinary business for the past decade, to the point where it's bordering on being worth $10 billion, and the least valuable team in 2012 according to Forbes, the Oakland Athletics, is worth about 50 percent more than the $321M it was worth last year.

In sum, the owners have it and then some, but just feel like not keeping their word about it. And, according to Rubin, this is one issue that cannot be blamed on Chicago White Sox owner Jerry Reinsdorf, who has been fighting to allow the potential pensioners to keep their benefits.

In sum sum, then, a lot of weasels are getting cranky about the new members of the species.

***

In case you were wondering, no, it is not possible for the Denver Broncos, Elvis Dumervil and his former agent, Marty Magid, to all lose. The Broncos, who cut Dumervil for salary cap and fax machine reasons, have offered a new deal, Dumervil has a new agent, Tom Condon, and Magid has hired a lawyer in case the NFL wants to sanction him for . . . felony Kinko’s, I guess.

But that’s the problem with a monopoly. There isn’t another real pro football league (and no, the plan to resuscitate the old USFL absolutely positively does not count) Dumervil can use to extricate himself from his current vise, the Broncos are caught in a cap jam that may prevent them from reconciling with their prodigal pass rusher, and Magid can’t be forced to try to get a job at WingStop.

Still, a man can hope.

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In the meantime, San Francisco Giant Barry Zito is suing a (we presume former) friend named Michael Clark, two other people and five separate companies for their roles in allegedly duping him into buying 15 percent of a fitness software company called dotFit. The price, $3 million, apparently went not to advancing the company but for paying outstanding loans, salaries and bonuses. In addition, Madonna (yeah, that Madonna) was allegedly sold 12.5 percent of the company for a mere $625,000, and that dotFit was eventually sold to – perfect – TV star Dr. Oz.

Neither Madonna nor Dr. Oz are being sued, but all that tells us is that Zito doesn’t understand how to sexy up a lawsuit. I mean, Michael Clark? Feh. What’s he ever sung?

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