Lucas Nogueira's hair steals show at NBA Draft

Lucas Nogueira's hair steals show at NBA Draft
June 27, 2013, 9:30 pm
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Brazilian center Lucas Nogueira and his hair were drafted No. 16 overall by Boston and then traded to Atlanta. (USA TODAY IMAGES)

Now that the Aaron Hernandez story has been deconstructed again into a football thing, he has now stolen Kevin Greene’s proudest accolade – Best 113th Pick In NFL History.

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And now, for the first of many times to come – LUCAS NOGUEIRA’S HAIR!

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For the 93rd time, a deadline has been set for Glendale, AZ, to consent to some extortion plan for keeping the Phoenix Coyotes, this one July 2. This looks like another one of those “hold your breath until Gary Bettman turns blue” moments, except that Bettman doesn’t turn blue.

But this much is true; if the Coyotes are propelled out of town to Seattle, they will be playing in the smallest arena since the Sharks opened their lives at the Cow Palace – which is still the greatest name for a sporting venue ever. Second place, of course, was the Mecca in Milwaukee, and third is the A’s home, “Hey Look, An Excuse To Paint And Put In New Carpet Coliseum.”

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Sports Illustrated soccer expert Grant Wahl found someone in England named George Dempsey who not only bets Major League Soccer games but claims to make money doing so. After you read this, you will understand that for some reason, England does not have a direct translation for “cry for help.”

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LUCAS NOGUEIRA’S HAIR!

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Gilbert Arenas busted for having a truckload of illegal fireworks? Oh, hell, that one’s just too easy.

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With the apparent revelation by Washington Redskins expert Dave McKenna (after a piece McKenna wrote in the Washington City Paper, Dan Snyder sued him and later withdrew said suit, which makes McKenna one hell of an expert) that an alleged Indian chief who has been defending the team’s nickname wasn’t a chief and may not even be an Indian, we can only go to the one defense for the nickname Snyder can reasonably employ.

“Because I don’t want to, it’ll cost me a little money, make me look bad, and I have the money not to care what you think.”

The other justifications don’t work, so maybe baldfaced honesty would help.

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NBA TV did slides of each prospective draftee for their endless stream of draft projection shows, which now have mercifully ceased. Everyone had the same coat, shirt and tie (changes by hue were allowed). And strangely none of the players came close to wearing any ensemble like it when they took the stage.

Which reminds us – if you paid one second of attention to who wore what at the NBA Draft, you watch too much Bravo, and will pay in the afterlife for that choice.

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The 'Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce to Brooklyn' trade on Thursday night, that was essentially verified right at the end of the first round, reconfirms the longheld belief that nobody who follows the NBA thinks players ever get old. So why were there so few Oscar Robertson rumors?

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And while we’re at it, how did Danny Ainge manage to blow up the prep to both Game 7 of the Finals and Draft night, thereby making David Stern think about unretiring so he could punish the Celtics for ruining his last uncomfortable draft appearance? The answer -- volume.

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Michelle Wie’s last two rounds of U.S. Open golf have resulted in 160 shots. In short, Michelle Wie is all of us, and isn’t happy about it one bit.

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By trading into the draft at the last moment, the Warriors delayed Joe Lacob’s long-planned intention to redecorate the team’s draft room in uniform sleeves. But at least he didn’t have to pay the crew not to work, and that would appeal to any owner.

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And finally, LUCAS NOGUEIRA’S HAIR!

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