Monta Ellis, his agent, and the 'Moped Ride To Hell'

Report: Ellis discussing deal with Kings

Monta Ellis, his agent, and the 'Moped Ride To Hell'
July 10, 2013, 8:45 pm
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Monta Ellis is an unrestricted free agent after opting out of the final year of his contract. He averaged 19 points and six assists per game last season. (USA TODAY IMAGES)

Now that the Giants have dug out a few more feet of the earth’s core on their way to blessed oblivion, the A’s are primed to do a little mean-spirited bear-baiting at their wealthier brethren. At least they should be, anyway.

For instance, there is nothing that says they can’t put up a huge banner at Le Colisee that reads, “MEANWHILE, OVER HERE WHERE THE BASEBALL IS GOOD, THE ONLY THING THAT’S BACKED UP ALL YEAR IS THE SEWER.”

And yes, I will cheerfully accept a consultant’s fee despite the canons of journalism ethics, because times are hard out here for a . . . well, you know.

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Dwight Howard apparently has begun his winning-over-hungry-hearts project in earnest by picking up everyone’s breakfast in a Houston diner Tuesday, although the story reporting this said, “Even though he can’t officially sign his new $88 million contract until Wednesday.” What, did he have to float a bridge loan for $800 worth of omelets until the new money rolled in? Or maybe he’s one of those irresponsible athletes who actually saves some of his money so he can perform small kindnesses like this?

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Washington National Ian Desmond tried a cheap trick to improve his chances of being voted to the National League All-Star team – he shaved his goatee between the first and third innings of Tuesday’s game in Philadelphia. As a result, I will vote for him 370 times.

Or, he just did it on a lark and it had nothing to do with anything at all. In which case I will vote for him no times.

Or what the hell.

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Monta Ellis fired his longtime agent and friend Jeff Fried because he doesn’t like the offers he is getting as a free agent. For instance, only one of the four teams interested in him, Atlanta, made the postseason last year, and several others who did don’t want to pay him what he thinks he is worth.

This advances the number of bad ideas he has had regarding his value since the Moped Ride To Hell, and the Warriors’ elegant way of rubbing his face in it afterward. Then again, lots of players came through Oakland in the olden days and learned to regret what it did to their careers. Several owners, too, though one name comes more readily to mind than the others.

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Chad Gaudin. Good luck explaining that one to . . . well, pretty much everybody in the world, including the fans who sit by the Giants’ dugout and bullpen on the road.

[RELATED: Gross lewdness charge for Giants' Gaudin]

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The juvenile arrested for breaking into Oklahoma coach Bob Stoops’ home showed the full power of his skull-housed wattage and luminosity while in the jug, as he apparently asked his 20-year-old girlfriend to help him break out of a juvenile detention center in Norman. Four accomplices, some wire cutters, a vigilant guard and about nine seconds of detective work later, his girlfriend and the accomplices are now in the can as well.

And now Stoops is calling a press conference to announce that they are all SEC fans. Or at least we wish that were so.

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It has now come to this: Freddie Freeman of the Braves is offering five pair of tickets to an Atlanta game if he gets voted onto the National League All-Star Team. He is also offering a hug, presumably to each of the winners.

To which we ask:

1.      Why didn’t the Giants think of that?
2.      No, seriously, who is sleeping on the job here? Someone will pay for this.
3.      What will the Dodgers do to up the ante? A weekend in Cabo with Yasiel Puig? A time-share in Palm Springs with Adrian Gonzalez? Pictures of Ned Colletti in a Speedo?
4.      When will Major League Baseball announce that the 2016 All-Star Game will be played in Hell?

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John Rocker, the former reliever and current charity worker and occasional unhinged cannon, told a radio show in Cleveland that performance enhancing drugs made baseball “a better game.” And from his summer home, Arnold Rothstein called in on the hotline with, “And so did game-fixing.”

Besides, the PED era already goes back a good 40 years, and with Biogenesis about to re-rear its glorious mane we’re probably looking at another 40, who’s to say PEDs made the game better or worse or even different? That’s like saying stadium lights made the game nightier.

Then again, it’s John Rocker, and what else needs to be said there?

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And finally, the Mets are skipping Matt Harvey’s turn in Pittsburgh Saturday so that he can start the All-Star Game in . . . wait for it . . . CitiField! Hey, “This time it counts,” remember?