The myth of the 'Original Six'

The myth of the 'Original Six'
June 9, 2013, 8:45 pm
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Since the Bruins and Blackhawks aren't part of the 'Original Six' maybe it's best to cancel the Stanley Cup Finals. (USA TODAY IMAGES)

And now, today’s tribute to the excessively peevish and pedantic. The Chicago Blackhawks and Boston Bruins, the Stanley Cup finalists, are not members of the Original Six, as you will be told again and again. There is no Original Six. Someone made it up, and it is nonsense.

There was an Original Four, back in 1918 when the National Hockey League actually began, and only two of those four, the Montreal Canadiens and Toronto Arenas (now Maple Leafs) still exist. Boston joined the league in 1925 when someone got the bright idea that Americans have money, and Chicago signed up two years later as the Black Hawks when someone else noticed America hadn’t run out of money yet.

In other words, we have two really old expansion teams who aren’t original anything except original themselves. Two sensational teams, we freely admit, with dramatically contrasting styles and a lot of grand tradition – but they aren’t original, and if you say they are, you are not only wrong, but you may be lying and in either event should be set upon by wild dogs.

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So far, there is no indication that any people who attended Saturday’s Mets-Marlins 20-inning extravaganza have turned themselves in to police. I mean, you’d think given the almost foolproof cover a Mets-Marlins game would provide that there would have been some kids on the lam from the fuzz. You would also have assumed that 20 innings of Mets-Marlins would convince the Pope to confessing that he was an Episcopalian. But so far, nothing.

Lesson: Our criminal element is either made of sterner stuff, or doesn’t like baseball all THAT much.

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Baseball’s version of George Burns and Gracie Allen, the McCarthys of Phoenix, struck again. Seems Brandon, who was smacked on the head with a line drive a year ago, had a seizure at a Phoenix eatery, and his wife Amanda acted quickly to help get him through the episode. And, true to their mutual roles as the First Couple Of Wacky Sports Comedy, Brandon McCarthy, who proposed a threesome to his wife after the original injury, said, “That's the story I've been told. She might have dressed it up a little bit, but I'm pretty sure she was a superhero there.”

“She might have dressed it up a little bit?” Man, he’d better be a very good lad from here on out, because even true love cannot always prevent the use of a cast-iron shovel as a comedy barometer.

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Jason Kidd’s rumored intention to become the next coach of the Brooklyn Nets is interesting, but misguided. Before he makes such a leap, it may be time to consider a network analyst’s job. And maybe a ministry. And when he’s done that, then he needs to find the next Stephen Curry – because we all know how many of those are out there.

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According to Wikipedia, Miami coach Erik Spoelstra did not just coach the Heat to an overwhelming win in Game 2 of the NBA Finals, he did a little body work as well. He has lost some height (he was listed at 2-foot-1-inch, which means that Peter Dinklage can back him in with little trouble) and gained some weight (he was listed at 666 pounds, which is both girthy and Satanic at the same time). If it helps, he wears it well.

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And finally, Pablo Sandoval is likely to go back on the disabled list. I presume you will begin bitching about his weight again, so don’t let me keep you from it.