The NFL Draft is always much better in hindsight

The NFL Draft is always much better in hindsight
April 24, 2013, 11:00 pm
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Just another triumph of guesswork, gasbaggery and people who like being lied to.
—Ray Ratto on the NFL Draft

The NFL Draft is today. Feh. Nothing more needs be said.

Well, in fairness, one thing does need to be said. The draft is always much better in hindsight; the ESPN documentary on John Elway and Dan Marino and the 1983 draft is actually pretty sweet.

But the current one? Just another triumph of guesswork, gasbaggery and people who like being lied to. Oh, and Roger Goodell finding 32 different ways to look uncomfortable.

So yeah. Feh.

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And yes, that definitely includes Peter Schrager of Fox Sports, whose mock draft covered every pick in all the rounds. Every single pick. Two hundred and 24 of them, not counting strays, compensatory picks and whatever the night janitor leaves lying about the floor. It’s nice when a web site can promote a cry for help.

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So why exactly can’t John Madden be on the cover of Madden 25? I mean, since we’re going to make a big deal about the cover of a video game, which is one more reason why our culture makes God reach for the Imodium, why can’t the father of gaming fetishes get his turn?

Or, if you’re the sentimental type, Madden and Pat Summerall? You think this is a big moment in Barry Sanders’ life? I mean, seriously?

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On the other hand, Time Magazine reports that the average cost of Prom Night is $1,139 per person. I take it all back about the video game thing. It won’t help you with social skills, but with the $1,079 you’ll save, you can buy some.

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Still waiting patiently for someone on television to figure out that the Lakers in their present state are the Minnesota Timberwolves. And we reiterate, feh.

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Still waiting for someone to point out that the Lakers looked better with Kobe Bryant coaching on Twitter.

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And still waiting patiently for someone to admit they thought Tony Siragusa being a spokesman for Depends was a good idea. I believe between this item and the last two, we have your classic standoff.

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I now see why Luis Suarez might think his 10-game suspension for all-you-can-buffeting Branislav Ivanovic a bit draconian. Ousmane Drame, a Frenchman playing for a third-division Italian soccer club, was going to pay for a prostitute’s services with his iPhone 5, reneged, stole the prostitute’s purse, and injured a transsexual friend of the prostitute while making his getaway.

For that, Drame got suspended by the club and may be fired. Suarez did relatively little for his 10 games by comparison. Unless you count the fact that Ivanovic’s arm still looks like a saxophone.

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And finally, I have Barry Bonds’ 756 shield that was at the Giants’ ballyard. I lifted it, sold it to Mike Bacsik, the Washington pitcher who served it up, and he’s going to put it on eBay as an ornate oil pan.

Call it living history. And call it raging against the machine.