Selig set to reveal source of Oakland's sewage scandal

Selig set to reveal source of Oakland's sewage scandal
June 16, 2013, 9:30 pm
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What's next for the A's? Bud Selig may have to decide between a new stadium, or just a set of new sewage pipes.

When someone is ready to explain how the Spurs-Heat series can have an average margin of victory of 17 per game, and a difference in points scored of 12, we will be able to say, “Yeah, here’s the one guy who gets it.” Since that person does not exist, we can look forward to Game 6 confident in the knowledge that those who say they understand this series clearly do not.

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The sewage leak at the Coliseum Sunday is being investigated by a blue ribbon panel selected by Bud Selig, and preliminary findings are expected in 2019. In the meantime, the hip wader giveaway is still scheduled for August 14.

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Dirk Nowitzki came out squarely and forcefully against his team’s owner, scientific inquiry and American macho posturing to the Dallas Morning News, and defended flopping.

Consider it an act of bravery based on the knowledge that nobody’s going to do anything about it.

“You don't want the obvious ones, the really, really bad one,” he said. “I think we'd love to get rid of those. But if somebody really does get shoved or hit a little bit, just to sell it a little for the referees so it does get the call, I don't have a problem with that. I think that's part of the game.”

So why is that brave? Well, he’s managed to be the first person ever to annoy Mark Cuban (who is funding a study on flopping) and David Stern (who is merely demanding that floppers be imprisoned without the right to appeal) on the same issue at the same time. Even Gregg Popovich never did that.

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Dear Johnny Manziel,

We get that you are weary of College Station, and college life in general, but if you can’t specify your complaints more than “B------ like tonight is why I can’t wait to leave College Station . . . whenever it may be,” we don’t know whether to get mad at Texas A&M, Kevin Sumlin, celebrity life or the general Heisman fishbowl experience.

So until we get further clarification, we’re going to go with the NCAA and Mark Emmert. We don’t know that your issues have anything to do with that at all, but we’re just playing the percentages.

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As an official father myself (though my children have gone to great lengths to deny same), let me simply say this: I am glad not to read any more tributes to fathers for a year. It’s simple, basic and hardly praiseworthy – we knew the job was dangerous when we were hoodwinked into taking it.

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The NHL keeps floating rumors that the Phoenix Coyotes could be sold and moved to Seattle if Glendale, Az., doesn’t approve a deal to pay someone to run their arena, but therein lies the problem. The new arena deal in Seattle was contingent on the Sacramento Kings moving up 1-5, which clearly isn’t happening, so the Coyotes would have to play in old Key Arena, whose capacity is barely more than that of the can’t-cover-expenses MTS Arena in Winnipeg.

In other words, Gary Bettman wishes Stern hadn’t been so, well, so Sterntastic on Sactown’s behalf. And there’s an obvious lesson in that – “It’s Only Business” isn’t just a throwaway line from Michael Corleone.

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There’s an easy way to solve the “Vlad Stole My Super Bowl Ring” issue, and all it really requires is Vladimir Putin and Bob Kraft to put up their best people to fight for it. Unfortunately, that will take some time, as Kraft, unable to convince Barack Obama to agree to a tactical nuclear strike to induce Putin to cough up the dingus, would surely deputize the certifiably Gronkly Rob Gronkowski, who is busy collecting surgeries these days, while Putin would either have to convince Vince McMahon to create a new menacing Russian wrestler, or re-annex the Ukraine and deputize heavyweight boxer Wladimir Klitschko.

The other possibility is that they could both flip for it, offer to fight each other, or just shut up about it. But hey, it’s the principle of the thing.

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And finally, remember, kids, there are only 31 shopping days until “Tiger Has To Be The Favorite To Win The British Open.”