Super Bowl L, as in 'Loser'

Super Bowl L, as in 'Loser'
May 21, 2013, 12:15 am
Share This Post

Assuming the NFL owners will reward the town whose elected officials play ball with the local team and punish the one that doesn’t, the Bay Area will host Super Bowl L, and frankly the letter “L” alone has to be changed.

Because what does “L” stand for? Yes. “Loser.” A better choice would be Super Bowl U.S. Grant, after the dead guy on the 50. Which, interestingly enough, will be the cost of a venti mocha, whip, no muffin at Starbucks during Super Bowl Week.

X X X

And if the 49ers and/or Raiders aren’t in the big game, it will be known as The Super Bowl For The Tourists.

X X X

The San Diego Chargers have decided to shield Manti Te’o from the media for the immediate future so that he can do a series of things, none of which have anything to do with the only reason anyone would care that much about him. From PR director Bill Johnston, providing clear and concise party line:

“We want him focused on becoming a Charger, on becoming a better player. Learning our system. Getting comfortable here. We want him talking football, talking Chargers, and that's all we want him focused on right now. So we're doing what we think is in his best interests to stay focused and become the best player he can.”

By that logic, he will never speak because that’s all any team ever wants from its players. And since we’re heading that way anyway, it’s nice of the Chargers to make it so clear.

Without, that is, saying, “Because we don’t like you guys.” That comes later.

X X X

The NFL is moving the draft up against the NBA and Stanley Cup playoffs, and the combine is being moved to March to compete with the NCAA Tournament. In other words, if I were the MLB All-Star Game, I’d be very worried about a seventh exhibition game.

X X X

And the last bit of football for you comes from Minneapolis, where amazingly, the University of Minnesota managed to lose $16,000 selling beer at games. Let me repeat that for you. A university, selling beer to college students during football games on Saturdays in the fall lost money selling that beer to those students. They are renegotiating the deal with the concessionaire Aramark, but in the meantime we have proof that football causes concussions even in people who don’t play.

X X X

Dwight Howard apparently has told Laker general manager Mitch Kupchak that head coach Mike D’Antoni listened to Kobe Bryant and Steve Nash more than he listened to Howard. And no, there is absolutely no reason why this should move you at all. Ever. It’s Dwight Howard, for God’s sake.

X X X

And finally, if you see Ryan Vogelsong, give him a little kiss on the head. He’ll think you’re nuts, and he may call the cops on you, but do it anyway. It’ll make you feel better.