Dr. Death goes from Black Hole to City Hall

Dr. Death goes from Black Hole to City Hall
August 13, 2013, 7:00 pm
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Robert Griffin III is delusional if he thinks he can convince his head coach to let him play in the preseason. (AP)

SF Weekly, the weekly that publishes things about SF (hence the name), tells us through its “The Snitch” column that a Raider fan who goes to games and bills himself as Dr. Death is starting a petition to keep the team in Oakland – as opposed to any place in America that has no stadium.

Ray Perez, who is the physician in question, told the weekly’s Rigoberto Hernandez, “That's the equivalent of your wife cheating on you with another man and coming back saying 'would you take me back?' Not many people would do that and to leave again, you might as well consider your spouse dead.”

Even a photo accompanying the story of Perez, left, in casual dress, having a chat with Oakland mayor Jean Quan isn’t enough to change the fact that a guy named Ray Perez is talking to a city official. Which, as we know, is no big deal.

But if he introduced himself as Death, or better yet, DEATH, with a spooky church organ accompaniment, he might be taken more seriously. I mean, wouldn’t you pay attention to a guy named Death, even if he was just working for FedEx?

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On the other hand, his petition, aimed at present owner-on-site Mark Davis, reads in part, “Can you imagine taking the Packers out of Green Bay, the Yankees out of New York, the Lakers out of Los Angeles? We as Raider fans want to keep our Raiders where they belong, OAKLAND.’’

Yeah, that one works all the time.

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Robert Griffin III wants to play in the preseason. Mike Shanahan is his boss. Mike Shanahan says Robert Griffin III will not play in the preseason. Robert Griffin III is unhappy, and is lobbying to play.

Robert Griffin III will learn.

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And now, hockey fun. One, Chris Nilan denied that his Stanley Cup ring from the 1986 Montreal Canadiens went to his now-jailed father-in-law, Boston gangster Whitey Bulger. He said the original has been resized for his son, and that the team provided him with a copy for himself. Okay then.

Also, the to-do over whether Sidney Crosby got cutsies at a Pittsburgh DMV turns out to be true, but not because he asked. Apparently that is a courtesy the state of Pennsylvania provides on its own to the famous.

Of course, we want to start the rumor that he was actually at the DMV renewing owner Mario Lemieux’s license, but lacking even the remotest kind of fact, we’ll skip it for now.

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Here’s how tennis player Fabio Fognini called it a day in his match against Radek Stepanek. Double-fault. Double-fault. Tantrum. Hits ball as far as he can into seats. Code violation. Foot fault. Deliberate foot fault. Game, set, match, Stepanek.

If tennis didn’t have enough trouble in the old days with accusations of match fixing, I’d say someone’s found his Arnold Rothstein. As it is, Fognini was just being a child – or he had a US Air flight out of Cincinnati that he knew would never be rescheduled.

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Attention all people in all lands: Johnny Manziel’s signature has jumped the shark. Thank you for your attention.

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With all the pressure mounting on someone to do something about the Washington Ambassadors’ actual nickname, it is interesting to see that in England, the problem is about feline slurs.

Or something like that.

Hull City, freshly back in the Premiership, wanted to officially change its name from Hull City Association Football Club to Hull City Tigers. The fans naturally rose in protest at the idea from new owner Assem Allam, and the suits who run the Prem rejected his attempt. So HCAFC, or Hickafack, I guess, it is.

Meanwhile, Arsenal has successfully changed its name to We Know We’re Filthy Rich But Does Anyone Have Change For A Quid FC.

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And finally, Oakland manager Bob Melvin hinted strongly Tuesday evening that starting pitcher Brett Anderson could be brought back to the big club as a relief pitcher. In other words, the Barry Zito Experiment Is A Success.