Ray Ratto's Top 25 college football rankings: Week 2

Ray Ratto's Top 25 college football rankings: Week 2
August 31, 2014, 10:00 am
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David Shaw said preseason polls are only good for toilet paper, which is odd, not to mention expensive and painful in this day and age when most people use laptops.
Ray Ratto

Editor's note: Ray Ratto will file his College Football Top-25 rankings every Monday morning right here on CSNBayArea.com

This week’s NAYWYTSBU (Nobody Asked You What You Think So Belt Up) college football Top 25, give or take:

1. TEXAS A&M: Evidently Johnny Manziel isn’t the be-all and end-all of Aggie football, no matter what Jerry Jones thinks. Or in the immortal words of head coach Kevin Sumlin, “WHAT?”

2. FLORIDA STATE: Almost didn’t beat Oklahoma State, and Jameis Winston did not clinch the Heisman Trophy. Tallahassee is in a complete uproar. Do this again against the Citadel, and Jimbo Fisher is going to learn what burning couches smell like.

3. ALABAMA: Not having A.J. McCarron at quarterback for the ninth consecutive year was a problem, but Nick Saban won’t accept that as an excuse by the Tide. He’s making McCarron play for ‘Bama while he sits out his six-week non-football-injury list stay. “You don’t baby a shoulder, damn it,” quipped Saban.

4. OKLAHOMA: Bob Stoops wishes beating Louisiana tech was more like beating Louisiana State, ‘cuz He Gots Ghosts To Chase.

5. LSU: Wore down the persistently bovine Wisconsin, which had hope to teach Les Miles a thing or two about eating grass.

6. GEORGIA: Stuck the landing against Clemson, which is a much bigger deal to them than it ever will be you.

7. OHIO STATE: Got scared by Navy, which has way cooler uniforms than ever before.

8. MICHIGAN STATE: Got scared by Jacksonville State when Connor Cook was injured in a 45-7 win. Cook survived, and Jacksonville’s uniforms are kind of blah.

9. OREGON: Had the ball for 20 minutes and beat South Dakota 62-13, so nothing’s changed here. But credit to the Ducks for playing the right Dakota, because . . .

10. NORTH DAKOTA STATE: Hammered Iowa State to prove for the umpteenth time that any team that schedules it is asking for a punch in the thorax, which the Bison are totally good with delivering.

11. UCLA DEFENSE: For beating Virginia, 21-20. The Bruin offense sort of coughed up phlegm against a fairly humble ACC team, but Jim Mora has always said, “If my defense gives me 21 points a game, we’ll be okay.”

12. SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: Paid enough attention after a crap week to gain 701 yards against Fresno State. Next week, Stanford, and a cannibalism scandal.

13. FLORIDA INTERNATIONAL: Allegedly lost 14-12 to Bethune-Cookman, for God’s sake, but since FIU banned its own only beat writer from the press box for services not rendered (he would from time to time point out that FIU stinks), who would know what they did? They say they won, so who’s to prove them wrong?

14. STANFORD: Shut out UC Davis, 45-0, and head coach David Shaw said preseason polls are only good for toilet paper, which is odd, not to mention expensive and painful in this day and age when most people use laptops. Then again, Stanford never worries about the money.

15. MICHIGAN: Beating Appalachian State seven years after Appy State beat them does not, as many headline writers want to insist, represent “revenge.” None of the coaches or players from that game are still at the school, and any fans who think that stuff matters are to be aggressively avoided at any social event.

16. CHELSEA: Six goals at Everton, and road games matter, especially when you factor in strength of schedule.

17. ARIZONA: Yes, UNLV stinks, but Arizona gained 787 yards – 787! I guess that’s worth something.

18. NEBRASKA: By this logic, the Cornhuskers’ 784 yards in a throttling of Florida Atlantic is three yards less impressive, though in fairness FAU has the added disadvantage of still having beat writers watching their games, so they can’t say to their critics, “Oh yeah? Prove it.”

19. IDAHO: The glorious Vandals held Florida to zero points at Gainesville. True, the game was postponed, but you know Florida’s never going to freakin’ Boise, so that’s a winner.

20. CALIFORNIA: They beat Northwestern at Northwestern, which mostly says tons about Northwestern, but still, Cal was the team saying it. And where is Sonny Dykes’ accent all of a sudden?

21. NOTRE DAME: Hey look, it’s Everett Golson. Oh, I forgot. You’re going to see him so much that you’ll be sick to death of him.

22. SYRACUSE FAN BASE: Tough week ahead having to pretend that needing two overtimes to beat Villanova is actually a good result. I’ll bet they can’t do it. In fact, I’ll bet they won’t even try.

23. MISSISSIPPI: The beginning of the end of Boise State as a national power, unless it gets off its high horse and accepts that invitation to join the CFL’S Eastern Conference.

24. TEXAS: Charlie Strong delays for another week the moment when the rich regents at the university turn on him.

25. BAYLOR: Played on Sunday, which is an affront to God and man. Would be higher if someone in the athletic department knew how to read a freakin’ calendar.

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