It isn’t quite accurate to say the Western Conference bracket has opened for San Jose, but they put off that heart-rending matchup with Chicago for another couple of weeks when Detroit boxed Anaheim in Game 7 of their series Sunday night.
Not that playing Los Angeles is such a bargain, mind you. But compared to playing Chicago, it is the difference between a colonoscopy and a kidney transplant.
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By the way, if Toronto beats Boston and New York beats Washington tonight, it means that both NHL conference semifinals involve the 1-, 5-, 6- and 7-seeds, proving yet again that the NHL knows how to do playoffs.
And has anyone noticed that both the Sharks and Warriors are six-seeds? I’m sure it means nothing, but it’s an off-day, and we’re still waiting for the NBA relocation committee to ask for permission to relocate so it never has to hear the names Hansen, Ballmer, Ranadive or Maloof ever again.
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With the Warriors switching anthemists at the last moment Sunday from violinist Dick Bright to Mark Jackson’s wife, Desiree, the question of pregame music is now in the forefront for Game 6 in Oakland. But based on the news from Sacramento, where the Maloofsters have announced their intention to refuse any offer from the Sacramento group led by Warriors’ investor Vivek Ranadive, Joe Lacob is now believed to be booking Dan Hicks for a stirring pregame rendition of “How Can I Miss You When You Won’t Go Away?”
Unless of course Peter Guber knows Celine Dion.
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The resignation of Amy Trask as the Raiders’ general factotum after decades of service to Al Davis reminds us of two things: One, she would not have left if Al hadn’t joined the fathered choir, and two, she would have been given the task of explaining Al’s decision to sign wide receiver/serial police bait Titus Young to a five-year, $38 million deal.
And she would have done it, even if she had to clench her teeth into a fine gray powder to do it. You know, “misunderstood,” “true Raider,” “you shouldn’t judge,” “great 40 time,” all that.
Well, that’s not entirely true. She wouldn’t have sold Young to the wretches. But she would have known exactly who to go to to sell the Young deal to the fan base. Hey, it’s what you did for Al. And without Al, there’s nothing left to do. So it goes.
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For his next trick, John Tortorella, the verbally disputative coach of the New York Rangers, will be locked inside a glass box and have to answer questions from media until he can escape. After Sunday’s postgame beauty, in which he answered this question:
“When you say handled it, physically, like handling on the ice, what do you think that means?”
“Holy crap, give me another question please.”
that means the problem is actually degree of difficulty, because the questioners are clearly overmatched. Maybe they can fill the glass box slowly with water, and the longer it takes Tortorella to answer while escaping, the greater his chance of drowning.
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Separated at birth: soon-to-be-former Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson and Cal basketball coach Mike Montgomery. Although Ferguson’s thick brogue is more charming.
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Are we really and truly supposed to care what Sergio Garcia thinks of Tiger Woods? Let me help you with that one. Nope. Not ever. After all, once you get past the “How come Sergio Garcia never turned into . . . ?” you’re about done with the entire Garcia story, aren’t you?
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And finally, say you’re sorry to Jarrett Jack. All of you. Come come, don’t be shy. Now say it like you mean it. Yes. Excellent. Now you can dislike him again. You’ve done the best you can do, given the circumstances.