Maxim Lapierre -- 'We find the defendant incredibly guilty'

Boyle leaves ice on stretcher in St. Louis

Maxim Lapierre -- 'We find the defendant incredibly guilty'
October 15, 2013, 8:30 pm
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Dan Boyle, strapped onto the stretcher, managed to raise his right arm as he was being wheeled off of the ice with 14:38 to go in the period.

Today’s screed is dedicated to Erin Cox, the North Andover High School senior and volleyball captain who was suspended for five games and stripped of her captaincy because she picked up a girlfriend who was too drunk to drive from a party and was going to drive her home when she was erroneously given a summons by the police. She was cleared by the cops, who discovered she hadn’t been drinking and was acting like a kind and responsible adult, but the school’s officials, who stunningly still have their jobs, maintained her punishment.

Erin, let this be a lesson to you. Don’t be a teacher. They’re only there to remind you that a policy is a policy, and teaching, recognizing and rewarding signs of good character is not their job.

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After Maxim Lapierre drilled San Jose’s Dan Boyle from behind and sent him from Tuesday’s game on a stretcher, the St. Louis Blues headknocker knew three things:

1.      He would be getting a phone call from NHL dean of students Brendan Shanahan.
2.      It would be brief.
3.      It would end with the phrase from the jury foreman in “The Producers:” “We find the defendant incredibly guilty.”


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Note to those who enjoyed Rally Bear at the Dodger game Monday night: This is why otherwise moderate people balk at more stringent gun laws. And no, don’t send me any of your theories on guns and gun laws. I honestly long ago made up my mind and have not, do not and will never care about your opinion on the subject. Go away.

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Oh, and the bear has been banned from the ballpark for six months. Now you can all come back.

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More intriguing is the way the Cardinals have objected, albeit mildly as opposed to McCann-ically, to the Dodgers’ celebrating after some on-field accomplishment. There are, of course, two ways to combat this breach of etiquette – a beanball war, like they used to do in the ‘30s when heads were so much less valuable, or winning the game outright and thereby limiting the Dodgers’ stay in vaudeville.

You know, like they did Tuesday in Game 4.

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Barry Zito’s full-page ad in Tuesday’s San Francisco Chronicle was as unsurprising as it was proper form; a lot of players, Todd Helton most recently, did that very thing as they rode toward the sunset. It's a nice, elegant way to say goodbye.

The interesting thing about the Zito ad, though, was that he managed to take the ad out without any bite holes in the ad from the times he grinded his teeth at the venom that accompanied the “fire in their hearts.”

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And while we’re at it, Chris Pronger had his retirement from hockey announced by his general manager Paul Holmgren, who said simply, “I’ll say it, Chris is never going to play again.” A little wordy for a T-shirt, and for that matter, not really that heartwarming a sendoff for an almost sure Hall of Famer either.

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The Alex Rodriguez hearing resumes today – in case you want to go out and buy some hemlock or anything.

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And finally, a salute to Mexico, which managed to have its World Cup bacon saved with two very very very very very very very late goals by the USA against Panama. In one bar in Guadalajara, chants of 'USA! USA!" were heard. Now El Tri only needs to beat New Zealand in a playoff to back-door their way into Brazil. It just goes to show the best way to be a good neighbor is usually to operate against one's own best interest. The Mexicans love us. Mission accomplished.