NFL playoffs full of MLB potential

Carmen Policy: 'I'm a Colin Kaepernick kind of guy'

NFL playoffs full of MLB potential
January 14, 2014, 10:30 pm
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Colin Kaepernick gave up a baseball career to pursue football, as did every other NFL quarterback in the playoffs not named Peyton Manning. (USATSI)

This hit the ground running Tuesday: Peyton Manning is the only starting QB left that was NOT drafted by a baseball team. It is, however, meaningless for a number of reasons, starting with the fact that the baseball draft actually selects all children above the age of 15).

1. Russell Wilson was drafted twice, by Baltimore and three years later by Colorado, and most recently this past December in the Rule 5 draft by Texas mostly as a publicity gag. That one’s legit, at least twice.

2. Tom Brady was drafted in 1995 by the Montreal Expos, who were cruelly and deliberately exterminated by Major League Baseball. It’s almost like being drafted by the Fort Wayne Kekiongas or St. Louis Browns, as far as that goes, but still legit.

3. Colin Kaepernick was drafted by the Chicago Cubs, who (a) just created a mascot named Clark to help frighten children and depress adults, and (b) are the Chicago Cubs. Case closed.

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Judge Anita Brody torpedoed the NFL’s concussion settlement prize, writing, "It is difficult to see how the Monetary Award Fund would have the funds available over its lifespan to pay all claimants at these significant award levels."

Two things: One, It wasn’t meant to have available funds. It was meant to make the claimants go away. And two, good call anyway, Judgie.

Oh, and one other thing. Can you make the new number high enough to make Paul Allen cry?

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One more reason why anyone who says that player awards voted on by players mean the most should be entombed in a Renault and dropped off a pier: The Ballon D’Or ballots for best soccer player in the world in 2013 were released Tuesday, and winner Cristiano Ronaldo and second-place finisher Lionel Messi voted as former winners.

Ronaldo’s ballot: Radamel Falcao of Monaco, teammate Gareth Bale and former teammate Mesut Ozil. No Messi.

Messi’s ballot: Barcelona teammates Andres Iniesta, Xavi and Neymar. No Ronaldo.

To the best of our knowledge, Ronaldo has never been a teammate of Falcao’s, so we wonder how that daft idea of rewarding someone on the basis of their work product got into his head.

In case you wondered, Clint Dempsey of the U.S. had Ronaldo, Messi and Zlatan Ibrahimovic of Paris St. Germain and Sweden, which was the right answer.

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Vancouver Canuck Henrik Sedin is today’s best guy ever, for this breathless quote captured by Kings insider Jon Rosen after he was sent to the penalty box in Monday’s Canucks-Los Angeles Kings game for his brother Daniel’s holding penalty:

“Yeah, I like that though – fantasy points.”

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Alex Rodriguez should be paid his full salary by the New York Yankees. He should also play maybe never again. We say that because all the parties in this story are so monumentally repellent as public figures, private figures, and figures in general. They’d all be better as ghosts.

But I know one thing – Jose Canseco sits at home, stewing that he never did scorched-earth like Rodriguez and his lawyer, Joe Tacopina, who told radio larynx Colin Cowherd he did not want to rat out other players accused of PED hijinks, “but some of them are godlike in Boston right now.”

Wait, I thought Bill Belichick was the SpyGate guy.

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Viz, Rob Ryan: Yes, owners would have a problem hiring a guy with his hair. But yesser still, owners would have a problem hiring a guy with his resume (four different teams since 2008, and the four before that with the Raiders, enough said). He’s been stuck with a lot of bad defenses – eight of his ten finished below-league average – but he’s saved so few of them.

And his hair is actually quite lovely.

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And finally, Pablo Sandoval has allegedly lost 22 pounds in the latter part of last season and another 42 since the season ended. At least that’s what he told Venezuelan media before that country’s baseball playoffs, and photos of him suggest that he has lost a healthy percentage of himself since last summer.

That’s 64 pounds in roughly six months, which means he will either have a great year and finally achieve his full promise, or he will struggle in his new body and have a lot of people sending him massive meals in the mail. These people were known to the ancient Greeks as “hypocrites.”

You don’t believe me, look it up.

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