Four reasons we won't have a Bay Bridge World Series

Four reasons we won't have a Bay Bridge World Series
May 25, 2014, 6:30 pm
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The Cubs signed Manny Ramirez to be a player and coach for the AAA Iowa Oaks. Yeah, Manny Ramirez. Now when we say “thought-provoking,” we may only be saying, “What were they thinking?” but it still provoked something.
Ray Ratto

Let us begin today’s reading with a question. Why hasn’t some enterprising young (old? Middle-aged? Formaldehyded?) person speculated on an All-Bay Area World Series yet? Two weird teams with very good records nearly a third of the way into the season . . . what’s keeping you?

Well, I have the answers to that:

1. Justin Verlander still lives.
2. Santiago Casilla may bat again this year.
3. Not enough Brandons – not while Brandon Barnes, Brandon Cumpton, Brandon Gomes, Brandon Guyer, Brandon Kintzler, Brandon League, Brandon Lauer, Brandon McCarthy, Brandon Phillips, Brandon Workman and Christopher Brandon Young still roam the earth on false teams.
4. The new Bay Bridge span is looking a little wonky, and I don’t think the state legislature is going to chunk in money for a third, the swine.


On a day when Josh Beckett no-hit the Philadelphia Phillies despite talking about the no-hitter in the fourth inning, thereby breaking six levels of voodoo juju, something genuinely rare occurred – the Chicago Cobs did something thought-provoking.

The Cubs signed Manny Ramirez to be a player and coach for the AAA Iowa Oaks. Yeah, Manny Ramirez. Now when we say “thought-provoking,” we may only be saying, “What were they thinking?” but it still provoked something.


Jake Hendrickson needs a hobby, and even if it’s stealing dog snacks from a kennel, it still has to be a better idea than spending $820 to buy Mark Sanchez’s game-worn Buttfumble jersey, so that he can do something spectacular with it.

First, though, he told Yahoo’s Kristian Dyer. “Every time someone would outbid me by $5 or $10 I was raising by a hundred bucks just to show I meant businesses,” thus proving he was extremely motivated to the point of being stark staring nuts. Then he said he was willing to throw more money into his ultimate goal – to send it into space because it “(doesn't) belong on this planet anymore.”

Well, he could just wear it, tie himself to a rocket and ask Cape Canaveral for a free spin around the galaxy. I don’t think many people would object to that.


Conrad Gregor, a Houston Astros prospect currently playing for the Quad Cities River Bandits, hit his first home run of the season in Saturday's game, which only matters because of where it landed – in the hands of his father Marty, who had driven five hours with his wife to watch the boy play.

Sadly, Dad didn’t shove a nine-year-old bot or a 77-year-old woman to get the ball, which is the usual way people get famous for catching a home run or foul ball these days.

Sandy Alderson has now just registered as a Democrat . . . or a Green . . . or a Trotskyite. Anything to distance himself from the Republican yobbo who means to do him harm.

Specifically, New Jersey governor Chris Christie, who told WFAN Radio that “I would love to be general manager of the Mets. If Sandy (Alderson) would put his crap in boxes and get out of there now, I’d be happy to go there now.”


“I texted my son after they lost one of the games this week: It is impossible to watch,” Christie elaborated. “It is impossible to watch. Just when you care about them as much as I do, it’s hard to watch sometimes.”

Ohhh. Now I know what he means by “crap.” If he can be the next general manager of the Mets, what does Rob Ford want to do with the Toronto Maple Leafs?


Mark Cuban is lingually fearless, we’ll give him that. After bungling his way through a speech explaining profiling, the Dallas Mavericks owner explained on the radio Friday that he still wanted to talk about race and thinks now is as good a time as any.

“As far as people saying, ‘Well, it's a sensitive time,’ there is no non-sensitive time when it comes to race,” he said. “Maybe I'm wrong, but the best time in my opinion to talk about it is when it's the center of attention, when it's a mainstream topic that a lot of different people are discussing.

"I knew that anytime somebody wants to speak honestly about race, there are going to be some people that don't appreciate it, don't like it. That's just the way it goes.”

I certainly hope it works that way for #YesAllWomen, too.


Of course, it isn’t that simple, because hate doesn’t go down without stupid at its side. Example: retiring Glasgow Celtic manager Neil Lennon, a sometimes-belligerent redheaded Catholic from Northern Ireland who risked life and limb often to provide his team with trophies, the brute.

According to the Guardian’s Kevin McKenna, he was once kicked to the ground by two assailants outside his favorite wine bar in Glasgow, attacked on the field by a fan of Heart of Midlothian, nearly blown up with his family when two men tried to mail him a parcel bomb, was mailed bullets, and has had round-the-clock police protection at home and at his children’s school.

Uhhh, go team?


Siena won the MAAC baseball tournament and advances to the NCAAs despite starting 0-17 and allowing seven runs or more in 14 of those 17 games. In other words, the Cubs can still believe, now that they have Manny only a bus ride away.

No, I lied. The Cubs should never believe, even if they had Babe Ruth, Sandy Koufax, Ted Williams, Willie Mays, Lefty Grove, Mike Trout and Michael Morse a bus ride away. They are the Cubs, and that means no hope should ever be wasted upon them.


And finally, Landon Donovan avenged his elimination from the U.S. World Cup team by becoming the leading scorer in MLS history Sunday.

No, I don’t think he’s any more excited about it than you are.