Andy Enfield is closing in on the USC basketball job, meaning that Florida Gulf Coast University will soon be without its first couple, and thereby end its moment in the national sun. Of course, this will amaze, amuse and annoy UCLA fans, because that’s just how it works down in Los Angeles.
But it also puts a lot of pressure on new Bruins coach Steve Alford’s wife, Tanya, because of all the notoriety given Enfield’s wife Amanda for being a supermodel, whatever that means. We would also say it puts pressure on Lane Kiffin’s wife, Layla, but the way he’s going, any failure to meet Enfieldian expectations will not be blamed on her, but on Kiffin himself.
But this being Los Angeles and all, comparisons will be made, and they will not be done with kindness as their base. In short, this is going to get very silly very quickly, and what better venue in which to watch it deteriorate?
Besides, isn’t that where the Bravo Channel gets its ideas?
The story floating around – well, written by CBSSports.com’s Jeff Goodman -- is that Pacific 12 Conference supervisor of officials Ed Rush urged the officiating crews handling Arizona’s Pac-12 Tourney games to hand out a technical foul or an ejection to Arizona coach Sean Miller, even going so far as to offer either $5000 or a trip to Cancun if one of them delivered the punitive goods.
Thus, when Michael Irving dropped the Cleveland Howdy on Miller in the semifinal against UCLA, he presumably got his reward. That is, if this isn’t April Fool’s Day gone Bountygate.
So far, the conference has denied that Rush actually meant it, that it was just a hilarious joke, as authenticated by Tim Donaghy in his new book, “Now Why The Hell Didn’t I Think Of That?” But this much is sure: Irving has been torpedoed but nice either way – either because he did what he was unethically told, or because he foolishly fell for a joke.
But if it helps, UCLA covered with or without the technical. Now THAT’S funny.
Speaking of allegedly fixing results, Seattle pitcher Felix Hernandez presented catcher John Jaso with a Rolex watch Monday for catching his perfect game last year. Then he gave up a double to Jaso in the fourth inning of the Mariners-Athletics game in Oakland, thereby setting . . . well, maybe two tongues to wag. It was the A’s first baserunner, so any good conspiracy theorists should have been up and running. Which is more than can be said for the rest of the A's, who joined the Giants in ODSH -- Opening Day Shutout Hell.
The Dodgers, who know showbiz, went big with Sandy Koufax relieving Magic Johnson first the ceremonial first pitch Monday. It was the kind of theatre that the first pitch ought to have, and that maybe the Miami Marlins can borrow when they announce that Jeff Loria will throw out the first pitch, and then have him replaced by someone more popular.
Like Ozzie Guillen. Hey, all marketing is local.
Darrius Heyward-Bey will go down in history as one of Al Davis’ most benighted draft picks, since Heyward-Bey was such a stretch and did so little to change anyone’s mind about him in his Oakland time.
Now he has been signed in Indianapolis, and either Andrew Luck has been given a pearl of great price whom the Raiders could never figure out what to do with, or he has someone other than tackle Anthony Castonzo whom he plans only rarely to throw to.
And finally, Nationals fans Rob and Drew (last name unknown, and hopefully for them, redacted if it becomes known) got everyone in their fantasy league to amass $1000 to buy Jose Canseco’s seminal painting “Bud Selig Dragon” to use as a league trophy. Now as we tip our conical hats to DC Sports Bog for this knowledge, we will leave you a moment to decide whether the real story here is that Rob, Drew and their friends have too much money on their hands, too much invested in their fantasy league, or why Jose Canseco is painting Bud Selig Dragon in the first place.
But we’ll tell you why he did it: Because someone paid $1000 for it. Next stop for Baseball Rembrandt: the Mark McGwire Unicorn.