Bieksa's bold claim may lead to teeth on the ice in San Jose

Bieksa's bold claim may lead to teeth on the ice in San Jose
May 6, 2013, 8:15 pm
Share This Post
You touch him after the whistle, and he's going to jump off the ice and throw himself into the glass.
—Kevin Bieksa on Logan Couture

When Vancouver Canuck Kevin Bieksa ripped San Jose Sharks players Joe Thornton and Logan Couture as “so-called Canadians” because of perceived diving, the Internet north of the border went positively yutz. I mean, not as much as all those loyal Canadian lads who beat the hell out of each other in Ottawa the night before, but bad enough.

Canadians are a proud folk, and calling a Canadian a “so-called” Canadian is one of those casual remarks that typically gets you a crosscheck in the throat from any of the so-called Canadians’ friends and co-workers. In short, Game 4 will be very entertaining, at least for those among you have grown used to the idea of seeing players picking up teeth and bringing them to the trainer for safe keeping.

X X X

Also, we have no word yet on what country Thornton and Couture will become citizens of now that Bieksa has deported them, though we are guessing Switzerland for Thornton and Los Gatos for Couture.

X X X

The salary lists for Major League Soccer are out, and frankly, you’ve already lost interest. But we’ll say this much: The total money paid is down by $10 million, the average per player is down $19,000, and the league is allegedly doing great – if you ask people who follow the league.

Well, if you equate the league with “the owners,” yeah, maybe. But for the players, the midnight-to-eight forklift shift at Costco remains a very attractive alternative.

X X X

And from Barry Petchesky at Deadspin, the longtime orator and knee-in the-nethers specialist Joey Barton, currently playing for Marseille, had a war of tweets of sort with Paris Saint-Germain defender Thiago Silva while both were toiling in France. Well, after a big game from Silva, Barton backed off, ever the gentleman, and tweeted that he was still “an overweight ladyboy.”

So I guess that big MLS payday is still a few years off for him.

X X X

Forbes Magazine tells us that according to one of their cracking good polls, the most influential sports figure is, yes, you guessed it, Tim Tebow.

Which means, of course, that he has influenced more people to say that the New York Jets have no idea what the hell they are doing, and that Tebow is more proof of that. So, yeah, if you put it that way, we see it.

X X X

The CEO of the Miami Dolphins, Mike Dee, said the team’s future in Miami is “bleak” since the Florida legislature adjourned without promising the football team an idiotic windfall to upgrade their stadium. This, after Jeff Loria cleaned the place out to get his art deco eyesore built north of town.

We see Dee’s point. We also dare him to get his boss, Steve Ross, to move the team to another city. I mean, how hard is it to put up or shut up if you think you’re being wronged by the free-money-for-rich-people political establishment?

And now he knows how the A’s felt after Al Davis was given a concrete mountain in his name as a lasting tribute to his inability to make Los Angeles bend to his will.

X X X

Punter, social activist and rolling conscience Chris Kluwe was released by the Minnesota Vikings, proving if nothing else that one can be on the right side of many issues, but being on the wrong side of a 28-yard punt from your own six-yard-line will kill you every time.

And to Kluwe’s credit, he hasn’t tried to connect the dots making his release part of a vast right-wing conspiracy. After all, he was there for every one of his kicks this year.

X X X

And finally, Serena Williams just showed Sloane Stephens and reminded us that life is just one long head trip, and the tennis just comes in the gaps in between.

And if you’re not into tennis, you can fill those moments in with drinking.