Dear Warrior fans: Consider yourselves lucky

Dear Warrior fans: Consider yourselves lucky
May 19, 2013, 8:30 pm
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The Warriors reached the postseason for the first time since the 'We Believe' season of 2007. (USA TODAY IMAGES)

John Tortorella should be a national holiday. Not because the New York Rangers coach needs more excuses to play designated flinty-butt to interrogators he finds to be beneath him, but because there should be at least one day each year when every coach in America must by law try to beat Tortorella at his best.

By trying to figure the best way to get reporters to stop bothering him on days when he is either working, or not working.

When he dropped the pointed reference to the deity in his in-game interview during Sunday’s 5-2 loss in Game 2 of the Eastern Conference semifinal series to Boston, what he was doing was clear – he wanted to see how far he could go to convince NBC to stop sending Pierre McGuire to talk to him without actually getting fined.

It didn’t work, of course; McGuire is harder to shed than a TV cop. But given how hard Tortorella works to make this happen, it seems only fair to allow the other 121 pro coaches, or the 124 college football coaches, an equal opportunity. There may be a better Tortorella out there, but we’ll never know unless we make them all try.

At gunpoint, if need be.

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Speaking of head coaches, the softball coach Seton Hall University, Paige Smith, is now in the public eye as the one thing New Jersey college coaches need least to be:

As a less profane but perhaps more maniacal version of Mike Rice.

Dave D’Alessandro of the Newark Star-Ledger cites many chapters and verses of Smith’s abuses, NCAA rule-bending and  general unearable-ness, and Seton Hall’s mostly none-of-your-business responses to outraged parents. Compared to her, Tortorella is Sally Field.

There is no way of knowing how this will play out, as there has not yet been a comprehensive response from Smith or the school, but I know this much: There wasn’t this kind of pressure on coaches to excel before The Sopranos. And no, we do not know how the coaches at Maryland-Baltimore County or Westeros have managed to keep their wits.

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In case you were wondering/hoping/pleading/sniveling that losing Game 3 of their playoff series would somehow destroy the will of the Los Angeles Kings, here’s a tidbit that will make you say, “Shove your numbers forcibly in a place that will make you ask HR for a standing desk.”

In the last five years plus the 2013 postseason, teams winning an overtime game are 43-54 when playing the next game against the same opponent. In other words, players do have exactly the memory spans you think they do.

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Sam Anderson’s piece in The New York Times Sunday Magazine on Phil Jackson has convinced me: Jackson remains unmatched in convincing people that he is just too mysterious to be fully understood. If that, rather than understanding the Drake Shuffle, is your idea of a good time, that is.

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Dear Warrior fans: You watched San Antonio play Memphis Sunday, right? Good. Then consider yourselves lucky you went as far as you did. But Stephen Curry said he just got some rehab on the ankle, it feels fine, and he’s good to go.

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And finally, to those people who bought Robert Griffin III a gift based solely on his wedding registry at Bed Bath And Beyond (as opposed to actually knowing him, that is), a brief word game, as in form these entries into a sentence:

You.

Hell.

With.

You.

Wrong.

The.

Is.

What.

Lunatic.