So Michael Crabtree lost vision on the final drive of the Super Bowl after taking a shot to the head, and we’re hearing about it now? Sort of makes a child wonder if he shared this knowledge with Jim Harbaugh at the time. I mean, it is a bad time to lose your visual ability and all, but the head coach should probably be alerted to the fact that his go-to receiver couldn’t see straight. And if Crabtree did tell someone and it did get to Harbaugh, then those three play calls at the end look that much more bizarre.
[MAIOCCO: Crabtree on final series -- 'We should have ran the ball']
Then again, Crabtree might have known what happens to admittedly concussed players in San Francisco and decided to try and fake it. I’m sure a cover story is frantically being prepared as we speak.
In the meantime, 49er fans get to wade hip-deep in bile and recrimination into one more tale from the Super Bowl – just one additional way in which football damages brains even in people who don’t play the game at all.
Pittsburgh Penguins general manager Ray Shero, currently the smartest man in the universe, basked in the continental praise for lifting Jarome Iginla out of Calgary as part of his Win The Stanley Cup By Default plan, and in doing so had the good sense to say the deal would not have happened if he didn’t already have Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin for starters.
He even went so far as to invoke the second most anonymous team in NHL history as part of the analogy: “If I am the manager of the Oakland Seals, I don’t think we’re getting Jarome Iginla.” But then he blew it by saying how much he loved the Oakland Seals “and their white skates.”
No, you prevaricating bastard! The Oakland Seals didn’t have the white skates. The California Golden Seals under the stewardship of the noted cheapskate, visionary and certified loon Charlie Finley had the white skates. The Oakland Seals wore industry black. Shero will get an angry note from Paul Lukas at UniWatch.com about this.
Oh, and the most anonymous NHL team ever? The Cleveland Barons, who the Seals became when they left the Bay Area. The Barons later merged with the Minnesota North Stars, who then moved to Dallas. In short, when we’re talking anonymous, we’re talking CSI-can’t-identify-the-corpse-level anonymous. Maybe if THEY’D worn white skates . . .
Sports Illustrated’s MLB projections are out, and the good news is that the writers managed to get the 30 projections to equal the total number of wins and losses that will actually be achieved in the 2,430 games. They also have the Giants (91-71) and A’s (90-72) with nearly identical records, for what that may be worth.
But Comcast’s own projections, based on the seven teams with which it has a broadcasting relationship, are slightly more clement. Based on the notion that the Blessed Seven (San Francisco, Oakland, both Chicagos, Houston, New York and Philadelphia) would split against each other and win every other game, the Giants would end up 150-12, and the A’s 147-15. The White Sox would end up 149-13, the Cubs 146-16, the Phillies 145-17, the Mets 144-18, and in what can only be considered a statistical outlier against all other projections, the Astros will finish 147-15, or 97 games better than Sports Illustrated thinks.
In other words, happy times. Except for everybody else.
The explanation for Robert Guerrero’s being detained in New York with an unloaded handgun – that “the media knows he is a hunter and requested he bring the weapon for a photo op” – has the unmistakable whiff of lame to it. If this is his excuse, however, on the square, someone in the Guerrero camp should have known to tell any media pursuing the hunting angle to supply its own weaponry. A simple call to Human Resources in most workplaces would result in anything from finger clamps and tasers to thermonuclear devices, depending on whether the matter is a quarterly review or the company’s holiday party.
And finally, Bruce Bochy and Brian Sabean finally got the multi-year contract extensions from the San Francisco Giants that two World Series should have gotten them after one. And while it is the stated position of this squalid little corner of the Internet that owners are best used as kindling on a cold night in a desolate campground, 80-year-old magnate and principal owner Charlie Johnson has to be given a hall pass for seeing that this was a move long overdue.
[RATTO: Sabean, Bochy extensions two years overdue]
We will now rest a moment before reminding Bochy and Sabean that they still are three pitching changes or two roster moves away from being contempt-worthy meat puppets again. Hey, they got stayed and paid. You want them to have a month’s worth of respect too, you ungrateful baboons?