Giants fans focusing on study of Lincechezology

Giants fans focusing on study of Lincechezology
April 9, 2013, 11:15 pm
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Tim Lincecum wasn't at his best Tuesday, but is Hector Sanchez to blame? (AP)

Maybe Jay-Z wants to give Robinson Cano a variety show, or marry him off to some stray Kardashian. Who’s to say?
—Senior Insider Ray Ratto

Only San Francisco Giants fans, who made fretting about the fifth starter a daily obsession for six years (they were Zeeee-tastic!), can now claim making the backup catcher an equally riveting focus of their existence. The advanced study of Lincechezology took another stride Tuesday as the new team’s new fifth starter got cuffed around by the Colorado Rockies, yet amazingly the problem wasn’t the balls the backup catcher caught, but the ones that never reached him.

But telling the fans to calm down never works because their fandom is predicated on finding the fingerprint in the corner of the mural and declaring the painting an artistic vomit-smear. And good for them, too. They pay the money, and they will damned well worry about what they want.

Although how Nick Noonan isn’t catching any grief for his four at-bats seems like customer dereliction of duty to me.


You wouldn’t know it to watch them (and who thinks that’s a good time?), but there is good news for the Houston Astros. I mean, other than beating Seattle by a boatload last night.

The Miami Marlins.
The Marlins drew 34,439 for their home opener Monday night, including the fans they threw out for holding a sign that said “Free The Marlins” – even before they reached their seats. It does not include the reporter, Eric Adelson of Yahoo! who asked Kevin Slowey and Placido Polanco about the attendance and was escorted from the room by Marlins media relations personnel.

The two teams are a combined 3-13, and have been shut out six times already, but the Astros have merely been a bad team. They have not yet reached “paranoid,” “tone-deaf” or “incapable of understanding their place in the local market.” They have time to develop these traits, of course, but they have already had a home opener and didn’t do anything more contemptible than lose their game with Oakland. In short, they are falling behind in the “We Hate Customers” race, and You never like to spot Jeff Loria and David Samson an early lead in that kind of competition.


As for the Marlins, they drew an announced 14,222 for their next loss, and the crowd looked like about half that, as it will almost every other home game this year. As they say in the promotions biz, feet don’t lie.


The idea that Jay-Z is selling his subatomic share on the Brooklyn Nets to concentrate on being an agent tells us two things.

One, he’s finding out that there’s only so much a non-majority owner can do because ultimately, the guy with the skin in the game gets to say how everyone else gets skinned.

And two, he’s on the wrong side of history, because agents can go broke, while owners, even small-percentage-owners never do.

But hey, maybe he wants to be an entertainment conglomerate. Maybe he wants to give Robinson Cano a variety show, or marry him off to some stray Kardashian. Who’s to say? Better yet, who’s to care? Either way, he bet the longshot here.


Joe Maddon, the Tampa Bay manager who tried his best to have an aneurism at Greg Gibson’s strike and a half call to end Monday’s loss to Texas, sent an autographed lineup card to Joe Nathan, the man who struck out Ben Zobrist with the pitch that could not have been a strike in the on-deck circle. The reason: It was Nathan’s 300th save, making Maddon a good egg by any estimate.

The lineup card, by the way, had no annotation on it showing who the umpires were. Had there been, Maddon might have thrown up on it before he sent it over, which would not have been nearly so gracious.


Not that you provincial hyenas care, but Borussia Dortmund scored two goals in stoppage time to beat Malaga and progress to the semifinals of the Champions League. It’s like being down 20 with three minutes to go and winning, with the prize being about $30 million. You like soccer now?

And if that doesn’t do it for you, Lionel Messi plays Wednesday (Barcelona and Paris Saint Germain, in case you are a slave to your local listings). And if THAT doesn’t do it for you, you’re an MMA guy and that’s just the way it has to be.


As it turns out, the Louisville men’s team wouldn’t have enjoyed the women’s final, which Connecticut won by beating the Louisville women, 488-9, or something like that, so the NCAA did the right thing in granting their travel waiver too late. Way to go, fellas and gals – you let your faceplates slip a little there. And always remember, the empty gestures are always the best ones.


Finally, the Golden State Warriors are a playoff team on the same night the New York Knicks are a division winner. Somewhere in the afterlife, Nostradamus is saying, “Ahhh, screw it. I give up.”

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