Melvin: 'I'm pretty sure I'll have at least nine DHs tomorrow'
After Thursday's 18-inning victory, the A's are 41-27 and have a two-game lead over the Rangers in the AL West. (AP)
The Oakland Athletics are about two more really weird wins away from seriously irritating the San Francisco Giants. Yes they are. Thursday’s hilarious 18-inning win over the New York Yankees, in which Nate Freiman had a I’m-telling-the-grandchildren-this-story-until-I’m-dead at-bat against Mariano Rivera, is the final proof that God Him Or Herself is betting whatever passes for serious money in the celestial realm on Bob Melvin. God, who has doubled down twice on the Giants (in 2010 and 2012), has clearly decided to invest elsewhere in 2013, as He or She did in 2011, and betting against God is considered a very bad play indeed.
And if you are of the atheist or agnostic bent, then we’ll just tell you this bit of inside stuff about Melvin. He’s a warlock. Seriously. Thunderbolts out the nostrils, can bend railroad ties with a sneeze. Screw with him at your peril. In fact, save yourselves. Just run away.
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Spurs by four. Heat by 19. Spurs by 36. Heat by 16. Shut up about what you think you know about basketball. Just shut up.
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Jim Leyland’s fabulous “Who Should I Close With?” rant is going to be famous, right up there with Tom Lasorda’s macro-profane Dave Kingman rant and Lee Elia’s “85 Percent People Have Jobs And The Rest Are Cubs Fans” rant. Stylish yet controlled, ripping the fans without ripping the media, and perfectly correct in every way – he should seriously sit John (“Carl Hagelin Stinks”) Tortorella down for a refresher.
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Cristiano Ronaldo may be heading back to England, if you believe his latest tweet; “All the news about my renewal with Real Madrid are false.” It has all the venom of a spurned lover, and all the singleminded purpose of Mandy Patinkin’s battle cry – “My Name Is Inigo Montoya. You Killed My Father. Prepare To Die.” This is why European soccer is delightful. Nothing doesn’t have meaning, and everything is overanalyzed like negotiations between drug dealers.
Of course, if he signs with Norwich City instead of Manchester United, never mind.
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In golf’s good old days, nobody would dare suggest what Colin Montgomerie said Thursday -- “What a great effort. If anyone deserves to win this U.S. Open, it is Phil.” As in Mickelson, who finished three under par on the open seas of Merion. In the old days, nobody said that about anyone but The Eldrick, who is five strokes back and denying that he is not fully healthy.
But that’s the beauty of rich guys and effrontery – they really can’t wait to talk smack like the neighborhood kids. It just comes off kind of falsely noble and crypto-smarmy. Yay disposable wealth disguised as entitlement!
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This is what Bill Belichick started when he cleared his nostrils on the Tim Tebow story – Phillies manager Charlie Manuel emptying out on reporters after another loss:
“I could put anybody in there, OK?” said Manuel about a Ryan Howard question. “Really, if you think about it. I’ll do the managing. Whoever hits there, hits there.”
“Of course, I’m concerned,” Manuel said, beginning a heated rant. “I’m concerned with everybody. Hey, look, I’m concerned with every f------- player I got. Yeah, I’m concerned. I want to win. We say that we want to win the division and we want to go to the World Series, right? I’m concerned about every one of our guys. I’m concerned about that .245 or .248 team batting average. I’m concerned about that. I’m not only concerned about one guy, I’m concerned about them all. How about that? I don’t know what I can do about it. I can go back to my room and sit there and look at the walls, and get up and come to the ballpark and look at the walls. I don’t know what I can do about it. The only thing I can do is to put them out there and let them play.”
Yay losing your mind!
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And finally, the Pittsburgh Steelers are in a fight with the Heinz Field stadium authority (public money) over who should pay for an expansion of the stadium, to which we say to the city to tell the Steelers, “Okay, move, you jackals. We freaking dare you. We have two more years of Dan Bylsma, so bite us.”
Expect the city to fork over the dough any day now.