Tiger's take on snitching

Tiger's take on snitching
May 7, 2013, 5:15 pm
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I don't ever see myself calling in and saying that Kobe (Bryant) traveled or things like that, or some offensive lineman held.
—Tiger Woods

Tiger Woods said he would never call in a violation by another golfer. Well, that’s not entirely true. What he said was, “I don't ever see myself calling in and saying that Kobe (Bryant) traveled or things like that, or some offensive lineman held.”

Well, three things: One, nobody else does that either, even the people on site paid to call them. Two, if golfers worked the rules as often as offensive linemen held, you’d routinely see Rory McIlroy picking up his ball and throwing down the fairway like Moe Howard in “Three Little Beers.”

And three, if it were Phil Mickelson, Tiger would be on the horn to 1-800-You-Cheating-Weasel faster than Stephen Curry’s next 25-footer. I mean, there are rules, and then there are rules.

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The Chicago Sun Times and Crain’s Chicago Business tell us that the owner of the Arena Football League’s Chicago Rush, David Staral, Jr., is actually a bankrupt convicted felon, and while there is some dispute about whether he has had the franchise taken from him for unpaid bills, we know one thing for sure.

If you are a convicted felon (and who among us isn’t?) and fugitive from debt-paying, is there a better place to go underground than the Arena League?

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When the Ottawa Senators and Montreal Canadiens, our new favorite dance-to-the-death partners, went the full first minute Wednesday without engaging a bench-emptying chair fight on CNBC, both Jim Cramer and Mario Bartiromo offered to beat the hell out of randomly selected interns just to jack up the ratings. So far, no word from the people in HR on whether this would float, but Cramer and Bartiromo are both being praised for their team and corporate spirit, especially Bartiromo, who offered to beat up Cramer as an alternative to picking on the unpaid help.

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And while we’re at it, who has a cooler name, Montreal’s David Desharnais or Ottawa’s Jean-Gabriel Pageau? Answer: It’s a trick question. The answer is of course “That Bug-Eyed Fat Walrus,” Brandon Prust’s come-on to Ottawa coach Paul MacLean from Game 3. This replaces the old winner, “Have Another Donut, You Fat Pig,” former New Jersey coach Jim Schoenfeld’s ode to former referee Don Koharski, which celebrated its 25th anniversary yesterday.

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This just in: John Jaso’s fourth-inning single and RBI has just been changed to an error and no RBI on Howard Kendrick. From last week’s 19-inning game between the A’s and Angels. And if this doesn’t fall under baseball’s little-invoked Who Gives A Damn At This Point rule, we’re at a loss to know what does.

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Texas Tech’s football recruiting took a serious self-inflicted blow when its strength and conditioning coach (at least it sounds like something a strength and conditioning coach would do) sent out a memo to players which read in part, “We advise you to be active over the break as you will need to be ready to work once June rolls around. Sitting at the house playing COD/2K13/Madden against 12-year-olds online doesn’t suffice as activity even if you claim to ‘wreck shop.’”

First of all, all recruits were once 12 years old, and many still are in the all-important maturity level chart. Secondly, the number of players who would get into more serious forms of mischief if not for competing online against 12-year-olds is considerable. And third, this is not going to help Oklahoma coach Bob Stoops’ argument that the SEC is overrated, because many SEC schools will give athletes minors in COD, 2K13 and Madden.

Although in most SEC schools, Madden is a regional game called either Bryant, Dooley, Neyland, Sherrill or Urban Meyer.

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And finally, Phil Jackson’s decision not to replace P.J. Carlesimo in Brooklyn is not a surprise. He wants to be in management, according to the mischief-making Adrian Wojnarowski of Yahoo!, and has inquired within league circles to see if there is a job that pays better and has more day-to-day power than Board of Governors.

Not Governor, mind you. Board of Governors. Lame duck commissioner David Stern is intrigued, but wants to know how he would vote on Sacramento before committing himself to any vote-cadging.