Transferring in NCAA easier for mascots than athletes

Transferring in NCAA easier for mascots than athletes
July 31, 2013, 5:30 pm
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Is this the face of a happy dog? Doubts like that led Georgetown to relieve a bulldog mascot of his duties. (USA TODAY IMAGES)



Riley Cooper's apology may lead his teammates to cut him some slack, but his racist threat will live forever on video. (USA TODAY IMAGES)

The NFL has lifted an idea from the NHL of all people for its whitest elephant (no, this is not about Riley Cooper, but stick tight for a minute), the Pro Bowl. They are abolishing the NFC and AFC breakdowns and having a draft to fill the teams.

It will doubtlessly work, because NFL fans will watch anything football-related; sheep are more willful. But if the NFL really wants the Pro Bowl to find its place, it should hone in on a specific NHL idea, as first espoused by the Montreal Wanderers in 1918, who played four of the designated 14 games before their building burned down and they folded.

In this case, the next Pro Bowl should last 17 minutes and eight seconds, and then everyone, well, wanders off, and is never heard from again. There will be no need for setting a fire, though – unless the league needs the insurance money.

[RELATED: NFL Pro Bowl turns into fantasy showcase]

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As for Cooper, the Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver held a press conference to issue an abject apology after going racist-ballistic at being prevented from going backstage at a Kenny Chesney concert that came as close as an apology can be to being actually abject. Not only was it delivered both publicly and repeatedly, it was done without throwing anyone else in harm’s way by explanation. In short, he fell on his sword until it broke. And maybe his teammates will cut him at least enough slack to do his job this fall.

But he still lives with the knowledge that his drunken (by his own admission) outburst won’t be forgotten, which leads us to an interesting question in our apology-crazed nation: What is a good enough apology when you threaten in public to “fight every ------ here”?

I guess that depends on your definition of forgiveness. Does it include actually forgetting what happened? The answer is, of course, no, because technology, which has already eaten most privacy rights, says it doesn’t. In other words, the mobile phone is nobody’s friend, no matter how many apps it can hold.

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Whatever it was Terrence Jones might have been thinking was a good idea when he stomped the sleeping homeless man at 2 a.m. outside a Portland bar, this is what he did. He stomped a sleeping homeless man at 2 a.m. outside as Portland bar. I don’t think even Riley Cooper’s apology could save him.

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And in case your mobo’s calendar app won’t open, we are one day away from baseball giving Alex Rodriguez the rest of his money to go away quietly. What, you thought it was going to end another way? You poor, naïve, deluded marsupial, you.

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The end of Georgetown’s bulldog mascot, which of course caused much consternation among Georgetownies, was apparently caused in part when the last mascot, a bulldog puppy named Jack, Junior, or J.J., apparently injured a small child. University spokesman Rachel Pugh, though, said that wasn’t the only reason, claiming according to Washington’s City Paper that “It’s really not just about his behavior with children. It’s about broadly, is the job of a mascot good for J.J.? Is he happy as a dog?”

Strangely, that isn’t a question that seems to occur to anyone when human students want to transfer to another school to play a sport. We suspect the saga isn’t over, though, as we are hearing rumors that J.J. had been contacted by Big East rival Butler coach Brandon Miller.

Butler’s nickname? Well, it isn't the Hoyas, if that helps you.

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According to Charley Walters of the St. Paul Pioneer Press, the Minnesota Wild lost $30 million last year and had to make a cash call to investors in February. Minnesota paid $20 million in bonuses to Zach Parise and Ryan Suter before the lockout last year, enraging a number of other teams and helping undermine the owners’ already idiotic arguments.

But that’s not the problem. With all due respect to Walters, who is pretty well wired in his town, we’d like the Wild to show us the third set of books before we believe them. The third set is not the one the IRS sees, or the one the NHL sees, but the one that has actual factuals in it.

And besides, if the league had played 82 games rather than just 48, doesn’t that mean the Wild would have lost more money, despite selling out every game? Sounds like someone in Accounting is looking for a cardboard box.

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Good news from Phoenix, where the people who just bought the eternally-broke Coyotes for $225 million, Renaissance Sports And Entertainment, have until Monday to finalize its purchase, just as news is leaking out that some of that money either hasn't been firmed up or has dropped out. In other words, you can probably still get the team for, say, $160. All cash, though. Apparently around Glendale, Arizona, a handshake is worth about as much as an apology.

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And finally, for A’s pitcher Dallas Braden’s odd Twitter rant, “We test athletes to see if they’re enhancing their performance. Why don’t we test the welfare leeches for drugs preventing their performance,” a question. If your complaint is about drug abuse, fine as far as it goes. But most people on welfare aren’t drug addicts by any statistical metric, and Central California’s difficult comeback from the recession saw thousands of people on welfare just to survive – which of course you know, having grown up in Stockton.

But other than that, you’re . . . well, sounding kind of like John Rocker.