Ray Ratto's Top 25 college football rankings

Ray Ratto's Top 25 college football rankings
August 25, 2014, 9:30 am
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You know anyone else who has a win so far? No? Anyone at all? I rest my case.
Ray Ratto

Editor's note: Ray Ratto will file his College Football Top-25 rankings every Monday morning right here on CSNBayArea.com  

The college football season has begun, but the stupidities are year-round, from hirings to firings to recruiting to Mark Emmert explaining why corruption in the name of unpaid labor is not a bad thing.

Take, for instance, polls – with a playoff system run by a committee of people you wouldn’t buy insurance from even if you really needed it, polls are now completely silly rather than partially silly, partially uniformed and partially dishonest, as they used to be.

So with that, and the usual side dishes of contempt and dismissiveness, is ours, with our own psilocybin-fed notions tied into Spencer Hall’s Rules For An Effective Poll Ballot.

Remember, if you don’t like what you see, send your comments on Twitter to @GoChokeYourselvesYouTediousPlatypusFacedDullards.

And thank you as always for your contributions and input.

1. EASTERN WASHINGTON: You know anyone else who has a win so far? No? Anyone at all? I rest my case.

2. FLORIDA STATE: Of the winless teams, this is the one everyone seems to think is the least bad. It helps their chances that their conference is meh on wheat toast. It does not help that their players made a song.

3. ALABAMA: Tide lost a lot of talent, but Nick Saban has apparently added heat vision to his list of superpowers.

4. OKLAHOMA: if this helps to make Bob Stoops become more irritated by the overwhelming SEC bias, I’m all for it.

5. AUBURN: Especially if he has look ahead and behind him to see it.

6. OREGON: Marcus Mariota may win the Heisman Trophy, but the Ducks need to make the odd tackle and relocate their running game. Good year for Stanford to have some holes.

7. MICHIGAN STATE: Mark D’Antonio will appear on Kitchen Nightmares if MSU makes the playoff. He vows this. Go on, ask him.

8. OHIO STATE: Here’s a lesson. Don’t lose your quarterback.

9. GEORGIA: Because this is what Georgia has been, is, and will always be. Nine.

10. BAYLOR: We desperately need a Baylor-Oregon game to see who can come with the most creative way of using highlighter colors to both jazz up the uniforms and sear the corneas of their donors.

11. SOUTH CAROLINA: We as a nation need one last year of Steve Spurrier making the rest of the country double over in laughter while recoiling in fear. This isn’t that team, but it’s not far off.

12. UCLA: Or . . .

13. STANFORD: Or . . .

14. SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: Makes no difference, ultimately.

15. WISCONSIN: This year, actual elephants will be used.

16. NOTRE DAME: I have no earthly reason for this, but anything after 16 is usually when I start looking at MAC and C-USA teams just keep myself from nodding off.

17. NEBRASKA: Because Bo Pelini is trying really hard not to be a roaring pain in everybody’s ass this year, and that effort should be rewarded. While being mocked.

18. KANSAS STATE: Bill Snyder is on eternal scholarship because he will always squeeze out eight wins, even if his roster is made up entirely of junior college refugees, a scout troop and elderly hospital volunteers.

19. CLEMSON: Because someone from the ACC has to pretend to be the loyal opposition.

20. TEXAS A&M: Because Johnny Manziel is ready to come into his own as a quarterback.

21. MISSISSIPPI: Or Mississippi State. After Bo Wallace, you don’t know a player on either team, so what the hell.

22. MARSHALL: I told you there’d be a Conference USA team coming.

23. FLORIDA: Because Will Muschamp’s popularity in the state will carry the Gators through to unreached levels of aaaaAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!

24. DUKE: It’s 24. What do you care?

25. SAM HOUSTON STATE: Held their own in loss at Eastern Washington. Playing on a field painted blood and tomato paste is no easy task.

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